Writing The Tides

Eleutheromania (n.)

"This is a terrible idea..this is a terrible fucking idea..." Keith thought to himself as he continued said idea, because by now, who even cares? To hell with it.

Right?

I mean, yeah, is he probably gonna freeze up the moment he meets blue eyes? Probably. Is he gonna forget the entire script he'd choreographed in his head? Obviously.

But he was still going through with this.

But did he really have to go through with this now?

"Come on Keith you can't back out now...Momma might have raised an anxiety ridden little piece of sarcastic shit but she didn't raise no bitch" Keith's own voice echoed through his mind, sounding clear.

Confident.

Things that he was definitely not gonna sound to Lance.

He'll probably see right through him.

He always did.

///

Understanding Keith was kind of like trying to see through water.

There was so much omitted, so many blurry thoughts. You couldn't really see the true meaning behind his words until you dived under them yourself.

However the fuck Lance was supposed to that.

But now he didn't even have a chance. Keith wouldn't text or call- hell, the guy's probably changed zip codes to avoid him.

Regret stung like a bitch.

It didn't help that Lotor wouldn't stop contacting him either. How he got Lance's number he had no idea. But at least it was a distraction.

Pidge and Hunk offered distractions to. They were being the absolute best, like always- which in turn only made Lance feel worse because he didn't believe he really deserved it.

Lance didn't think he deserved anything.

Maybe it was the anxiety. Always making him feel like absolute crap. Always telling him he'd never be okay. Never be enough.

But Keith?

He was more than enough.

And shit. He thought he deserved something right for once.

That is, of course, until he didn't.

And then until he messed up.

Majorly.

And now the one person who didn't make Lance feel guilty for loving them is gone.

And it was his fault.

Trying to understand himself was like looking through oil.

There was darkness everywhere.

And every little ounce of it spilled into your lungs, digesting your heart whole.

And no matter how hard you tried- you couldn't breathe.

///

Walking into the store, the chime of the door was enough to silence the entire planet.

Lance blinked twice, trying to adjust his eyes to whatever trick he was playing on himself.

There was no way in hell this was real.

Right?

"Lance?" Keith hated his voice just then. Why did a single syllable sting his heart so much?