Time || Solby

HAHA CHAPTER JUAN I GET TO REUSE JOKES NOW

S  A  M

Previously...(on Freakish. Lol sorry I'll go now... Just me? Okbye)

My mind is spinning as I sat in my car. I can't stop replaying the scene in my head. Over and over and over...

"I know this isn't really a good place, or time, or plan, or... Hell, it isn't a good anything. But I don't think it really matters. All that matters is us."

he paused and I just sat there frozen.

"Sam Golbach, will you marry me?" 

I was in shock. All I could do was stare at him, his trembling hands and nervous blue eyes. The way his eyelashes fluttered as he blinked captivated me. I love him so much...

"Sam?" He sounded uncertain. 

I blinked slowly, hardly able to breathe. I felt trapped, unstable, confused, and dizzy. Like in going to throw up. I have to gerontology (AHAHAHAHA WHAT IS AUTOCORRECT IMMA LEAVE THAT BC HUMOR *get out of*) here right now!

"I- I'm sorry." I stuttered. 

i closed my eyes tight as I remembered his eyes as I turned away. They held so much emotion. They were like glow sticks in that moment. Light and calm at first, then snap! and they're ablaze with anger, sorrow, confusion. Hurt.

I'd hurt him. 

I couldn't stop screaming at myself. What's wrong with me? The only person I'll ever love, the only person I want to live the rest of my life with asks me to marry him, and I run away? 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Idiot!

I threw open my car door and went to sit on a park bench. 

Need. To. Stop. And. Think.

I repeated the words over and over, trying to stop replaying the images. Eventually, I calmed myself down enough to loosen my fists.

He asked me to marry him. I should be ecstatic! Why am I not ecstatic? Instead I'm sitting on a park bench miles from home because I'm indecisive. What is there to even decide? I love him. I want to marry him. Why did I run away? 

Deep down, I knew why. I'm scared. I'm a coward and I'm afraid I'll mess things up. Am I ready for marriage? Probably not. I mean I'm 20, I'm literally an adult, but I'm still just a kid from Kansas who likes to make videos. With his best friend. Who is secretly his boyfriend. Who just asked him to marry him. Why are there so many hims? Who's he? (Sorry lol the last two sentences were me... I was getting a little confused lmao back to you, Sam)

I'm not afraid, I'm just not ready. I know I've found the right person, but I can't get married yet...

Colby. Oh my gosh I left him. With no explanation.

I shot up off the bench and ran to my car. I drove home as fast as the law would allow and stressed over what to say. What am I supposed to say? 'Hey uh yeah sorry I left I just suddenly remembered I left all my chickens in the tree at the park'? I think not! (I'm getting way too random I'm sorry just ignore me I'm killin the vibe)

When I pulled into the driveway, I just sat and stared at the house. His car is here... He's in there. The longer I sit here, the more selfish I know I'm being. I can't just let him try to figure out what I'm feeling right now.. What if he thinks I don't love him? I'm only sitting here because i can't cope with anything right now.

But he needs me. (Where you go I'll go.. Damnit bye)

I slowly walked inside, wary and on-edge. He could be anywhere, and I could bump into him at any second. I drift around the first floor, finding no one. He's upstairs. I climb up hesitantly, stopping as I reach Colby's room. 

I knocked on the door, getting no response. Please Colby...

"Colby?" 

C  O  L  B  Y

I hear Sam's voice outside my door, and I can't bear to go let him in. One million scenarios have already run through my head. After dismissing the ridiculous notions that Sam doesn't want to be with me, (just heads up this isn't bc he's being cocky or prideful he just knows Sam loves him) I'm left with blank space. I don't know why he left me, but I know I can't open that door. 

I feel like I should be heartbroken, or at least sad. Instead, I'm just embarrassed. I can grasp how he must have felt; probably scared. I just sort of sprang it on him. Why am I so stupid? I could have planned it out, made it perfect for him and made sure he wasn't uncomfortable or too surprised. At least made it a good surprise! Maybe something cliche like candl-

"Colby, please respond so I know you didn't slip on a pencil and die." I smiled. Sam always liked to make jokes with the most terrible timing.

"I didn't slip on a pencil and die." I got up slowly.

"Well good. Now all you have to worry about are walls, they pop up in the most  unfortunate places..."

He trailed off as I opened the door. "Kinda like you."

He smiled. "Yeah, kinda like me." 

We just stared at each other for a while, probably both nervous and sweating and uncomfortable. I probably look like a mess. Even though i understand and I know he loves me, I still did some crying before I quit wallowing in self pity.

"Colby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that." Sam said finally.

"No, it's okay. It's my fault for choosing such an awful way of asking."

Sam quickly grabbed my hand. "It could never be an awful way of asking for you. You could ask me to marry you while we're being murdered or something and it would be fine. I just- we're young. We aren't exactly mature yet... I just think we should wait, take it really slow and steady. I love you and I really do want to live with you for the rest of my life, but I don't think we should make such a big step yet."

It sounded so logical, so obvious when he said it. "Yeah... I I think you're right. I get it." 

I smiled slowly. It's okay. Nothing was wrong. It's nobody's fault. We just have to give it time.

YEEEHHEEHEHE chapter Juan is UP! Sorry I was gone so long I was just enjoying the taste of freedom a little too much. Sorry I was being ridiculously intrusive throughout the story... Just me being me; stupid random crazy!

Thanks for reading! (Go read my other books RN or I will hunt you down hehehehe just kidding... You hope)

(Actually tho I would appreciate it love u bye)

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