JOONXBTS!!

╟ NamMin II ╳ ❝grief❞

Genre: Angst
Warnings: A Mental Breakdown
Words: 960

"Oh, son! We're so lucky we got outta there; unlike that other man in there, poor boy!" His mother cried while squeezing the little life he had left out of Jimin. He held her as she cried in his shoulder, his own grief not catching up to him just yet. "Oh, my poor baby! Did you see the young man? Oh poor you!"

His mother kept talking but he wasn't listening anymore. Of course he would know Namjoon, his boyfriend of two years. Two years. And now he was gone. And it was his fault. Jimin's grip on his mother tightened as tears cascaded down his cheeks accompanied with hiccupy sobs that reached his mother's ear quickly.

"Dear! Why are you crying, Jiminie?" His mother ran her hand through his hair in a comforting gesture. Jimin remembered when Namjoon would do the same thing when he was upset, running his big hands through his hair while he rocked him back and forth like a baby. How he used to kiss his head and rub his back as he whispered promises of comfort. He cried louder at the memories, murmuring his lates boyfriend's name to himself inaudibly.

His mother, seeing he wasn't going to respond, tucked Jimin's head in her shoulder and shushed, bouncing him on his feet like she did when he was a baby. He'd grown so much, seen so many things that a mother would wish a child never had to see. This wasn't what she planned for Jimin, but they'd get through it. Slowly, and with much therapy, the Park family went back to normal. Well, as normal as you can be when you got kidnapped and threatened at gunpoint to kill your soulmate for no reason in particular. Jimin learned to block grief out, becoming an unfeeling corpse who pretended to feel emotion.

His family didn't notice the change, chalking it up to shock and trauma from the frightening experience. They did notice that there was a curious absence of their son's boyfriend. They thought that Jimin would've sought out his boyfriend to cope with the recent events and they slowly got suspicious when he didn't. After a few family meetings excluding Jimin they decided that their father was going to confront him, as he was the one that saw through most of Jimin's lies.

Jimin was studying in his room, flipping through his book and writing down the important things, when he heard a knock on his semi open door. He looked up to see his father standing there, waiting for an invitation.

Jimin let his father into his room with a nod. His dad walked the short path from the door to his son's bed, then sat down when he reached it. He gently pried Jimin's book away from him and set it down besides him without closing it, not him wanting to loose the page. Jimin didn't look at him when his book was taken away, he just let his head hang and his hand fall into his lap.

"Son," his father gently spoke, not wanting to startle him. "How are you?"

"M'fine," Jimin lied; of course he wasn't fine.

"Don't lie to me," his father still spoke gently, but his voice now yielded authority and power. Jimin knew that none of lies where going to fly with his father, but he tried. "You know I don't like when you lie to me, Jimin."

He kept his head hung, but for a different reason. He might've felt emotionless, but he never wanted to disappoint his father.

"I'm sorry," Jimin said sincerely for the first time in a while. His father nodded, accepting his apology. "There's just.. something you don't know. It's.. been bothering me since we got away."

His father sighed and rubbed his son's arm, mentally giving him strength to pull through. "Jimin, does.. does it have to do with Namjoon? I haven't seen him around in a while..."

Jimin's bottom lip quivered and a shiver ran down his frame. He didn't want to remember. Didn't want to think about it. He couldn't help himself. He couldn't help Namjoon. There was so much blood, so much. The man was cackling behind him as Jimin cried. Namjoon's head was tilted back and he looked like he fell asleep while studying, but he wasn't breathing. His chest wasn't moving, but Jimin's hand was shaking and the gun was hot. It felt hot and repulsive in his hand, but he couldn't let it go. Namjoon's head had a hole through it and it was his fault. Jimin's fault, no-one elses, and he felt all the guilt and grief suddenly fall onto him when he imagined his boyfriend in the sky and shouting profanities to him; words of rage and sadness that pierced his skin and hit his core.

His family had to intern him in a psychological hospital for a while after his outburst. Jimin cried and screamed while scratching at his hands like he wanted to tear off the skin. 'I KILLED HIM! THE YOUNG MAN WAS NAMJOON!' He had shouted in his guilt-produced hysteria, his irrational confession shocking and worrying his father, who held him down while he yelled for Jimin's mother to call for help. He was just traumatized; he didn't really kill Namjoon, Jimin wouldn't hurt a fly.

Their denial made it impossible for Jimin's mind to recover. He could get past it if all he heard were reassurancesthat he was 'just in shock' and 'he didn't hurt anyone'. They were wrong! They didn't hold that gun, they didn't hear those threats, they didn't live that fear. They could deny it all they wanted, but Jimin knew what happened; and he was never forgiving himself for it. Never.

a/n: @FOREIGNJOON, my dick's reattached now, thanks for worrying.