Unsteady » Stiles Stilinski

[9] Highway to Hell

I sat at the back of the bus next to Stiles and Scott. Normally I'd probably be sitting next to Stiles or in my own seat, actually just to piss Stiles off Isaac probably would have sat next to me. But i'm getting off topic, right now I was crammed into a seat with both Stiles and Scott since the crazy shit that went down. We actually probably shouldn't be on this school bus, on our way to a cross country meet....

But everyone insisted we had to keep moving on after what happened.

After Derek was killed apparently during a confrontation with the Alpha pack, a stupid confrontation at that. No one should have never been there, not Derek or Isaac or Scott. None of them should have been there but they went anyway. And where was I while Derek was dying? While the others were fighting? I was at home... with Stiles. I was hanging out with him, we were watching a movie and laughing like there was nothing wrong.

I felt disgusted with myself over this. I should have been there, helping. I just--..I can't help but think that they're all wrong. That what Scott and Isaac and Boyd described the scene is not all true, that it's not the end of the story.

I still don't know how this whole Valkyrie thing works but I do know that I'm connected to death, one of omens and warriors of it, whatever that actually means. But I don't have a bad feeling about this, not like I've ever felt. When they told me Derek was dead, of course like any rational person I felt like hitting something and crying because we lost someone else. But when I managed to calm myself down, finding comfort in Stiles arms...

it got me thinking.

It was weird, it was like I was upset on hearing this but the news didn't really stick. It's like even though they told me Derek was dead, I never got that feeling. I couldn't explain it but I don't think he's really dead. I have a feeling someone's going to die, that danger is coming our way but with the whole "death" thing... I don't feel that with Derek. It's like he's not gone, it's like he's still here somehow.

I know I probably sound crazy but unless I see Derek's lifeless body in front of me on a morgue table... I won't believe he's dead. It just doesn't feel like he is, I mean..being a omen of death and being connected to it, I should be able to feel something right? I should feel his presences severed or something, I should be able to physically feel it in my chest that Derek's no longer on this earth, alive anyways. If Derek was really dead, I'd have an empty feeling or ache in my chest when I focus on him.

But I feel nothing, like nothing's changed.

Which is why I don't think Derek's really dead.

"And you're sure? Like positive? I mean did you see his body?" I bombarded Scott with a million questions. I wasn't just going to take everyone's word that Derek was really dead. He's survived a lot just like the rest of us and the last time I thought Derek was dead, it turns out he survived that too. I mean, if Derek can survive getting impaled by Peter and tossed against a wall so hard that i swear I can still hear his back cracking in my head... he can survive a fall.

Scott didn't look so good, gripping his side as he slowly nodded his head. "I watched it happened--...I can't believe he's dead, like Derek's really dead."

"I don't know Scotty boy...Something just doesn't feel right, are you sure Derek's really dead? I mean did you get a look at his deceased body?" I sighed, trying to comfort Scott but Stiles quickly jumped in, pointing out flaws in my thinking Derek is alive.

"Babe, Scott says he saw Derek fall off the edge and slam against the escalator in the abandoned mall. Scott says he saw Derek's body at the bottom, blood and all. There's no way he could walk away from something like that." Stiles said.