Chapter 36: Death Isn't the Only Way to Go

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The first thing was the beeping.

Gentle, steady beeping. It should have been annoying, but it wasn't. It was just there.

It was sweet, here. There was a beautiful breeze carrying the scent of the ocean and the flowers in spring. There was a loud, echoey sound every few seconds, and occasionally a voice or two calling each other. The words they were saying didn't make any sense, they were jumbled sounds that had no meaning. But they were friendly.

Every now and again, throughout a period of what must have been hours but passed by as quickly as a leaf in the wind, there would be other voices. Some of them just spoke, just needing to talk to someone. Some of them cried. Some of them laughed and told horrible jokes, and the smell of the spring flowers was renewed every time one of the voices came.

Sometimes the voices were very far away, even the beeping, all almost underwater. Sometimes they were clear as crystal, and memories would start to seep to the surface. But they wouldn't get there before being swept under again. Sometimes, the words even made sense, and they were understandable. But what they meant and who had spoken them usually left before they had even finished speaking.

One of the voices spoke in long, complicated sentences. This one had the best vocabulary, talked about science, and it made sense a lot of the time. Made her feel like she hadn't forgotten so much.

One of them spoke in a voice that made her feel things. Made her feel a lot of complicated emotions that only hurt her head when she tried to make sense of them. She hated what the voice did to her, but she liked it at the same time - something about it, something about what it meant was calming. Soothing. Made her feel warm and glowy on the inside.

One of them would start of calmly and happily, and then would slowly get faster and more frantic and high-pitched until it started crying. Like it came with the intention of cheering someone else up but ended up needing the help itself.

Despite the voices, and the beeping, and the breeze and the smell of flowers, it was peaceful.

Sometimes it was silent. Not just outside, but inside her head - and for some reason, that made her so scared that she would think anything, do anything, just to have some thoughts that were her own. She didn't know why it scared her so much. But it was the only chaotic thing in her existence now - so it was a small price to pay.

Death was nice.

It was peaceful, and quiet.

Sometimes, when she went deep in and she could barely hear the voices, new ones would come to her. Ones that came with shape and form and a human appearance. She tried to ignore them when they came, because they only told her things that she didn't want to hear.

It was very quiet right now.

There was a voice talking to her, and the beeping was still there, but it sounded so far away it was barely there. It was her favorite one again. The one that made her feel terrifying emotions but was still soothing. It reminded her of something, pulled up some memory, the ones that never quite made it to the surface.

Until, for the first time, it did.

The place around her was beautiful. It was a red desert, and it wasn't perfect, of course. But it was beautiful to her.

There was the ocean, just a stone's throw away. But here was the park bench right next to her, and though she could go down to the beach, instead she sat down on it to watch.

There were people that she recognized running down the sand, laughing. They were familiar. Mother. Sister.

But she couldn't recall their names.

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