Why? A Shawn Mendes fanfiction

Chapter 13

Sorry it took so long for me to update. I couldn't think of ideas. (Warning: can be a trigger warning. If you ever have self harming thought please don't read this chapter, or maybe even this book)

Shawns POV:

"Hey man, you okay?" Matt asks. I suddenly feel like I just woke up from a dream, I had a flashback. Again. "Yeah..yeah I'm fine" I sigh and put my head and my hands trying to calm down. All the memories, all the 'I love you' saying, all of it. It took me forever to get over Lauren. At lest a few months. I would blame it on my parents for moving here. I just wanna go back.

"What do I do?" I broke the silence and look up and see Matt looking at me like I'm some crazy person. "What do you mean?" He tilts his head a little confused. "How Can I Love again, If I don't know which one. I just can't!" And stand up and kick the desk. Just when I thought I got over her. She's like a drug that I can't stop thinking of.

"Hey, hey!" Matt stands up and turns me around. "You still care about her don't you?" He asks. But that is the question. Do I care about Lauren still? Or is it my mind saying I am? "I don't even know what Love is anymore" I whimper, I'm scared and I have no idea what to do.

"Hey. You know what Love is because you told me what it is. Okay? Nobody I know would talk about someone for that long and telling them how much you cared about them" Matt leads me to the couch and we sit down side by side. "What do I do Matt. I can't even think straight anymore" I shake my head, trying to get my mind off of her. "You have to believe in yourself, you have to trust yourself to make the right decision", Matt faces me and I take a deep breath. "But what if I can't make that decision. What if I can't even trust myself anymore?" I sigh, a slight tear running down my face. "You can't teach trust, you have to learn it yourself, you have to get you're mind off of the thing bugging you. Move on Shawn" I think of what I said. I've been here for about a week and a half. And the only thing that can keep my mind off of that girl.

"I think I know what to do" and I stand up and leave Matt's house.

Skylars POV:

I am at my house lying in my bed with comfy clothes on watching the notebook....I know what you're thinking 'she watches sad movies a lot' like the fault in our stars.

I'm devouring my popcorn and crying making the popcorn wet also. Homecoming was this weekend. I'm so scared I'm going to be one of those persons who fall down the stairs, or say the wrong thing at the wrong time. But come on. It's Shawn. What could go wrong, he is probably the most sympathetic person I've ever met in my entire life.

I hear my phone buzz on the nightstand. I pause my movie, put down my popcorn and pick up my phone. I scan the screen and see:

Shawn🎸:
Can I come over?

To Shawn:
Shawn! It's midnight

Shawn🎸:
I know. I know. I just need to see you. I need to tell you something.

To Shawn:
Ok fine, but we have to be quiet

After I send that last text I put my phone down and walk towards the bathroom. I look in the mirror and just look at myself, with no makeup on. You're so ugly, you disgust me, no one wants you. Why would a perfect person like Shawn want to be with a trash person like me? I break down, put my head in my hands and start crying.Being the insecure person I am, I take a blade from my drawer and slice my forearms a couple of times on each side. I cover it in a small rag and tape around it so no one can see it, I go back to my room still crying, and put on one of my big sweatshirts and some sweatpants so I'm comfy.

My mom is asleep in her room on the main floor, if she finds out I'm bringing a boy to 'hang out' at almost midnight. She will literally kill me. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't trust me. I go back in the bathroom and put on a little makeup so my eyes aren't so red from crying. No one knows I do this, not even April, my best friend. And we still aren't on great terms.

I hear my doorbell and quietly walk down the stairs, I mumble 'stupid' I forgot to tell Shawn not to use the doorbell, my mom was the lightest sleeper in the world.

I open my door and see Shawn in all black will his hoodie up he looks so hot. "Come in" I whisper and we quietly go up to my room without waking my mom. I sit on the bed and roll down my sleeves a little more so he doesn't notice anything. We just sit facing each-other, silence overtaking us. "So what did you need to say to me?" I ask, he takes a deep breath "I just wanted to see you". Those words made my heart melt, He's so kind. "Why would you want to just hang out, with me?" I mean, he's kinda getting popular in school and I'm just at rock bottom. "Because you're beautiful" he stares into my eyes and I suddenly feel like I'm going to throw up. I run to the bathroom and lock the door and sit by the toilet, but I didn't throw up, I just say there, and began crying again.

Shawns POV

I'm standing outside of the bathroom door hearing nothing, I called her beautiful and she ran to the bathroom and locked it so I couldn't get in. "Skylar, honey what's wrong? Please let me in?" I pleaded. And then I heard it. The worst sound you can hear from someone you care so much about. She is whimpering like she is in pain. I go downstairs in the kitchen quietly remembering her mom was asleep a few doors down and look for something that could unlock the door. I open one of the drawers in the kitchen and find a paper clip. I then go upstairs to the bathroom door, and unlock it with the end of the paper clip.

I see her sitting on the floor against the bathtub not being able to see her face. The first thing I notice is the blood on her sweatshirts. Oh no, not again. I walk slowly towards her and kneel down, she is so gorgeous. Even when she cries. "Skylar what happened to you're arm" I whisper not trying to make her more sad. She just hold her head in her hands and shakes her head denying my question. "Hey, hey look it me. It's fine. It's just me" I grab her chin and she lifts her head, mascara running down her swollen face from crying. It felt like my heart dropped from my chest when I saw her. I just wanted what's best for her, and this was not it.

Skylars POV

"I want to help you" Shawn looked straight into you're eyes, his expression seemed concerned. I stared at him for a few seconds and he looked so worried. I looked down and started staring down at the scars on my wrist. I didn't want him to be with someone like me. He deserved someone better. "The damage is done you can't help me shawn" I whispered as tears kept running down my face. "No" he came closer and intertwined our fingers "I can fix you. I can take this away" he said while slowly holding our hands together tighter, he didn't want to let go. I slowly shook my head, I didn't believe him, i wanted to. But no one could fix me right now. I was completely broken inside. "Oh for the love of god Skylar, let me love you" he said, those words almost flipped a switch in my heart. Those words made me almost stop breathing for a second. I thought of the things that could go wrong if I said yes, but screw the consequences. I nodded. He wrapped his hand around you're scarred arm gently and kissed my scars. No one has ever cared and worried about me this much before. His plump lips were touching my arms and it send butterflies through me. I craved more. I needed more. All of a sudden I don't feel the pain, I only feel the feelings I have for this amazing man. He looks up at you and smiles lightly. "Better" He tilts his head wondering. I don't say anything. Instead, i just stare at him, and slowly pull him closer. "Skylar, I don't want to rush you" he says with his face a few inches from mine. "Shhh, just Kiss me mendes" I laugh and he pulls me closer this time, I felt our lips connect, this was something I have never felt before with anyone. It felt like I was on top of the world, with someone I now had massive feeling for.

I thought no one could fix my heart, and I still Believe that a little. But he might be the one, to fix me. And tonight he did.

Thank you Thank you thankyouuu!!!!!! 632 reads AHHHH. Thank you guys so much I literally don't know what to say. I'm sorry i haven't updated in like forever but I couldn't think of anything. Btw shoutout to @humoushawn on Instagram for the idea, that story line she has was beautiful and I just thought 'I had to use that'. I will have another chapter up soon, but again thankyou so much for all the reads, and comment what you think I should do next and you're opinion on this books love you guys.
Peace✌🏻
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