Million Reasons

Chapter Fifty Three: Light Up The Sky

Light light light up the sky
You light up up the sky to show me
That you are with me

The Afters - Light Up The Sky

Antonio's heart was still pounding against his ribs, he could feel every single individual beat in his chest as he sat on that bench in the locker room, staring at his trembling hands. He'd manage to hide them from everyone else, he'd given fist bumps to his colleagues, clapped others on the back to thank them for their hard work, it was only now when he was alone that he allowed his mask to slip.

The cop in him was all steel and lead, he had allowed that aspect to overcome him when he knew Gabby was in danger. He had choked down the worry and the fear that had been raising up in his chest and forced himself to become logical and assertive. There had been no hesitation when he had killed Gish, he saw the situation, he assessed it and he made the smartest move he could considering the situation. It was only now in the aftermath that his brain began to tick over the possibilities.

Losing Gabby had never been an option, he couldn't imagine his life without his little sister and the devastation and anguish of how close he had come was tearing him up inside. If he'd been a moment too late, the whole scene in the elevator today would have gone differently. He couldn't think of that, he knew it, but it didn't stop those thoughts plaguing him. He took in a deep breath trying to steady his jangling nerves as he stared at his hands, willing them to stop shaking. His muscles were trembling underneath his skin and he understood it was the final surge of adrenaline leaving his system.

It had been too close today, much too close.

He heard the door to the locker room open and he didn't even have to raise his head to know that it was Maggie. He could sense her presence whenever she stepped into the room, it was a simply an aspect of their relationship that he had come to enjoy over the past few months. He didn't bother to hide his shaking hands, he didn't have to be the strong, tough cop he was in front of Atwater and Ruzek. He could be himself. Right now he was Antonio Dawson, the man, not the cop and deep down in his heart he was scared.

Maggie said nothing as she moved towards him, she came to sit on the bench in front of him, legs straddling the wood as she mirrored his position. She was still clad in her uniform, that short hair of hers pulled back into a small pony tail and held in place with bobby pins. Her slender hands reached out for his, clasping them gently in her own. Her thumbs caressed the line of his knuckles as he let out a shaky exhale.

"She's safe." Maggie murmured, tilting her head so that she could capture his gaze.

It hurt her to see him like this, there was grief swirling around inside of him, she could see it in those haunted dark brown eyes of his as he stared into the distance. He wasn't with her right now, he was somewhere else reliving those moments back in the elevator.

"Antonio." his name rolled off her tongue tenderly, bringing him back to the present once more. "Gabby is safe and alive because of you."

"I almost..." he began woefully before Maggie shushed him. Those gorgeous eyes of his were on her now, his heart wide open and bleeding as he betrayed his fear.

"But you didn't." she said firmly. "You took the shot and you put that evil son of a bitch in hell where he belongs."

They would lose no sleep over the death of Adrian Gish tonight. Just one look into those dead eyes of his was enough to give Maggie the chills when they had been in the same room together. Gabby had been right when she had told them that he was darkness, there had been an evil in that man that Maggie hadn't seen for the longest time. She would sleep better tonight knowing that he was off the streets.

"I used to be the one telling you we couldn't live on 'ifs' and 'buts'." He reminded her, a trace of a smile ghosting across his lips.

Maggie smiled at the truth behind those words. Back when they were partners she was usually the one that got lost in her own head, always second guessing her decisions, thoughts always chasing down the girls they couldn't save. When it came too much Antonio was always the first to spot it, the only person who could wade in and pull her out of her own mind.

Maggie raised his right hand to her lips, gently letting them brush over the back of his hand as she placed a soft kiss there. Antonio's breath hitched, there was a comfort in her touch, a message there just for him. He never doubted her, not in the years they had spent together and not in those two years apart. When he needed her she was there, always soothing over his rough edges. His life would be a barren fog without her, he would have lost himself to the darkness so many times if he didn't have her fighting in his corner.

"You did it." Maggie murmured against his knuckle as she pressed another kiss to them. "We're all fine, thanks to you."