Million Reasons

Chapter Fifty Six: Always

I found the saviour
I don't think he remembers
'Cause he's off to pay his crimes
And he's got no time for mine

Halsey - Coming Down

There was only one more thing left for Antonio to do right now but the problem was he didn't want to do it. The cop in him was all for going undercover for weeks on end to help out a brother in arms but the man in him protested fiercely. The repercussions of this decision would effect his real life in a way that would have consequences further down the line, he believed that wholeheartedly. He had known that one day it would come to this, he had just hoped that it was a long time in the future.

Maggie was used to him spending a night undercover, it was a part of his role in Intelligence but this time around he would be asking her to put their relationship on hold for what could end up being days or weeks.

This operation was so much bigger than the two of them and Antonio knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't participate. A fellow cop's life hung in the balance and if he was the other man's best shot then so be it.

He watched from the doorway of his kitchen as Maggie stood before him, folding up laundry from the dryer. She was wearing a loose grey vest that hell past her hips over black leggings and warm socks. That chestnut hair of hers was pulled back into a messy bun as she bopped her head to the music in her white ear buds. She hadn't heard him enter and for a moment Antonio found himself content with simply watching her. She belonged here in his house and he had been thinking just last night how it would make sense for her to move in with him. Their relationship may be new but their love for one another wasn't and he missed her in the nights she chose to stay at her own apartment.

It was tearing him up inside, knowing that he would have to leave her. He wondered if she had felt like this when she had decided to take part of the Bambarek operation. Had it felt like her heart was literally ripping itself apart? It was wrenching and twisting in his chest as he lingered in the doorway for just a second longer trying to hold off the inevitable.

He knew what it was like to be on the other side of this. For him it had felt like she was pulling the rug right out from under his feet. He had never told her but for months that sense of betrayal had dogged his footsteps, he had blamed her for leaving him and the thought that she would do the same ate at him deep inside. He hated the idea of causing her pain but this was something he had to do.

Maggie glanced up, finally sensing his presence. A smile froze on those delicate features of hers as she absorbed the expression on his handsome face. Her smile was falling away now as she tugged the earphones from her ears and set the IPod down on the work surface.

"Antonio?" she questioned, her voice full of concern.

"Maggie..." he began, trying to figure out the first place to even start.

She was losing him, she could read it in the haunted expression on those finely chiseled features of his. For a moment she found herself unable to speak, she had known this would happen someday but now the time was here she didn't want him to leave. There were so many things she wanted to say but the words simply wouldn't leave her mouth.

"How long?" she asked him quietly, wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the chill that was vibrating up along her spine.

"I'm hoping it's just a few days but it could be weeks, maybe longer." Antonio answered honestly, taking a step into the room.

Their lives were shifting once more and the momentum was gathering in the air around them. There was a numbness starting to rise up in Maggie, it was a self defense mechanism. One that she had used along time ago to shield herself from Antonio when things between them got a little too close for comfort.

She was shutting down, Antonio could see it the way he had back then but this time it was different. He wouldn't let her freeze him out no matter how much she tried. He didn't want to walk away leaving his gaping distance between the two of them. He needed her to know that he was going to come back to her no matter how long it fingertips were already reaching out and smoothing away the hair away from her pale, pretty features. It made his heart ache in his chest at the thought of those lonely nights without her.

"This is something I have to do." he told her as gently as possible. "I wouldn't leave you or the kids if it wasn't for a good reason, I know you understand that."

She did and it was like a blow to the chest admitting that. She had been in his position almost three years ago now. Only her reasons had been selfish and his were far more noble, he wouldn't leave unless he had to. She knew that deep down in her gut. His hand cupped her cheek, his thumb smoothing over the apple of her cheek lightly.

She couldn't make a big deal of this, because the moment she did would be the moment that their relationship would begin to fracture. What the two of them had was based on faith, she had to trust him to do his job without her by his side.

"We knew we'd have to do this sometime right?" Maggie said softly as she reached up, clasping his hand to her cheek lovingly.

They could deal with this. Maggie two of them were strong and resilient, they had what it took to go the distance.

"I'll be back before you know it." Antonio uttered as he leaned in close, placing a tender kiss on those pert pink lips of hers.

Jesus he was going to miss this, he thought, his hands sliding down to her waist before Maggie wrapped her arms around him and hugged him as hard as she could against her supple body. Antonio gathered her up tenderly in his arms before clasping her close, his heart beating against hers as he held her. He wasn't ready to let go yet, he needed just a few more seconds with her, a few more minutes to convince himself that she'd still be here when he got back.

"Come back to me ok?" Maggie whispered as she held onto him for dear life.

Antonio pressed his lips to her forehead as he spoke, forcing every single emotion he felt for his lover into that embrace as he spoke.

"Always."