Million Reasons

Chapter Sixty One: Judgement Call

The noise was blaring and violent, shrieking like whistle as it ripped through Maggie's sleep, dragging her back into the world of the living.

"Antonio." she muttered, her face was pressed into his pillow inhaling his unique masculine scent as she reached out to prod him awake. Although how anyone could sleep through that deafening noise she would never understand. "Your alarm is going off."

Her hand hit empty space, her palm smoothing over the cool sheets as she growled into the pillow, remembering that she had slept alone last night. The alarm was still blasting, it's shrill tone piercing her ear drums as she launched herself across the bed and at his nightstand in order to shut off the stupid alarm clock by slapping it with the palm of her hand. He must have forgotten to turn it off before he left yesterday, not that she blamed him. He had other things to occupy his mind, ones that hadn't involved their normal day to day domesticity.

Maggie groaned, burying her face into his pillow again, shoving away that thought, the more time she gave to it the more she would continue to wind herself up about the time they were spending apart. If she closed her eyes for a minute, it was almost as if he was still here, dozing beside her. She wished that was true, she really did.

A door slammed down the hall and Maggie knew that Eva had just claimed the bathroom as her own for the next thirty minutes. It meant Maggie had to get up in the next ten minutes to sort out breakfast and make sure Diego was out of bed before ensuring the kids had lunches packed for school today. Laura would have returned from her course trip to Seattle by two pm and would be picking the kids up from school, which suited Maggie perfectly since she was on the later shift today with Roman.

Just a few more days, she told herself, slinging her arm over her head as she stared at the ceiling. She just had to get through the next few days.

The meeting point was a blue, painted, bandstand that lined the front of the shoreline close to the river. Thick snow graced the ground it, stretching for miles towards the beige warehouses in the distance. Antonio could see for miles, there wasn't another soul in this area except for the other three men lingering in the shelter of the concrete bandstand behind him as he leaned against the metal post listening.

"Two hundred k?" Guthrie snapped incredulously. "No way. That's impossible, unless he was keeping it in his house before he vouchered it."

"He have a girlfriend? Either for the role he was playing or just some girl on the side?" Voight asked the other man, his voice deathly serious as he spoke.

Antonio knew that tone well. It meant Voight already knew the answer to the question he was asking. He must be gauging Guthrie's response to the question, to see if he knew the other man as well as he thought he did. From what Antonio had learned about Manning, he thought maybe the other man had slipped up and taken the money, he couldn't prove it yet but there was a distrust when it came to one of the main players. One that came from a fresh betrayal.

He rose his hand to his jaw, his gloved fingers feeling out the darkening bruise just under the curve of his lower lips from where Parker had punched him in the mouth. That hit had knocked him out for a couple of minutes and he'd come too with an aching jaw and severe disorientation. It had taken him a couple of seconds to get his head straight but he'd managed to slip seamlessly back into the role of Mike Diaz, Parker hadn't been any the wiser.

"I don't think you know your guy, Alan, or you do, and I'm not getting all the information." Voight informed the other man, his voice glacial as he spoke.

There was more at risk than just Manning, Antonio's life was at stake and one of the things that stopped him from even considering stepping over that ledge this time was the knowledge that Voight was looking out for him. He believed in this situation his Sergeant really did have his best interests at heart and that settled the cop inside of him. His team had his back no matter what and they supported one another through hell and high water.

"You know I should knock you on your ass for saying that, right?" Guthrie snarled back, clearly affronted by the implication.

Antonio got what Vought was doing, it was smart. He was pushing every single one of the other man's buttons to figure out how deep Manning's indiscretions went. He wanted to see if the apple was the only thing that was poisoned and not the whole damned tree.

"I'm gonna put my guy in the jungle to find one of yours, I want to know everything that's going on." Voight returned before Commander Fisher decided to diffuse the situation.

Antonio took that time to gather his thoughts, the new information he had received from Voight was enlightening and it made him consider his play once more. He was at a crossroads here, he could either do the job that Parker had offered him or CPD could pull the whole crew in. He weighted the options carefully, the logistics working in his brain as he turned around to find Voight's eyes on him.

The other man's gaze lowered to Antonio's balled fists as he bumped the right one on top of the left. It was a motion he conducted when he was struggling to puzzle out a situation, something he usually exhibited when he was stressed. He hated the fact the younger cop was on the line here but he respected the other man for making the decision to go through with this operation. Antonio had a lot more to lose than most people but his bravery spoke volumes about his character.

"Manning either skimmed from this crew and got killed for it, or they got him somewhere trying to get their money back." Antonio uttered as the pieces of the jigsaw in his head began to slot together. "And he knows if he tells 'em, he puts his wife in danger."

Fisher dug his hands into his pockets before tilting his head towards Voight's, his cautious eyes seeking guidance in the other man's features.

"You want to pull the crew in, lean on 'em?" Fisher asked before Antonio broke in.

"No, they won't give it up, not these guys." Antonio informed the Commander, shaking his head venomously. "I can find out where Manning is. I just need more time.
Let me hit the lab with them tonight."

Antonio wasn't even sure when he made that decision, he just knew that it felt like the right thing to do. He trusted his gut when it came to situations like this and it was screaming for him to do the job tonight in order to win the crew's trust. He couldn't imagine what it must be like for Manning's wife sitting back at home not knowing what had happened to her husband and why.

"Your call." Fisher responded, his gaze resting firmly on Hank as he took in Antonio's words.

"Give me a minute?" Voight requested from the Commander, who nodded his agreement before stepping away from the bandstand, following in Guthrie's footsteps. There was silence between Voight and Antonio for a minute as they watched him leave before Voight turned his full attention to the younger man.

"Hey bro." Voight muttered in that low gravelly tone of his before he asked the question that had been on his lips the entire time they'd been standing on the bandstand. "You all right?"

There was understanding in that analytical stare of his. He wanted Antonio to know that he had options, that he didn't have to go through with this. No one would think any less of him if he stepped down from this especially if Manning was a dirty cop,

"Yeah." Antonio nodded convincingly. "I'm fine."

He was still in control of himself. He knew that he was still Antonio Dawson, detective, lover, father and that Mike Diaz was a role that he was playing. The lines weren't as blurred as they were back then when he'd had one foot over the ledge. His head was screwed on and he was solid and he allowed himself to drop his guard for a moment allowing Voight to see that. The older man clapped him on the back, the gesture warm and reassuring as he spoke.

"Just remember what you're coming home to."

Everyday, Antonio thought. Every damned moment he was undercover, he thought of Maggie and kids.

His smile was genuine as he tilted his head towards Voight before speaking.

"How could I forget?"