Random One Shots

two in one-phan

I am so fucking sorry for this.

Phil was opening a new cereal box when he noticed something on the side. It was one of those "lucky prize" things for cereal. Supposedly, some of the boxes had video cameras in them. Ridiculous Phil thought, shaking his head. Even if I wanted a video camera, what would I use it for?

He swiped a finger along the top, slicing open the cardboard and flipped it up. For a few seconds, he stared into the box, and then he laughed. Inside was a video camera. He pulled it out and held it up.

The smooth silver metal was cold against his hands. Phil carried it out of the kitchen and to his room. He set it down in a box of stuff that he never used and went back out to get his breakfast.

Three years later, Phil had started a YouTube channel using that camera and was starting to be a success. He was scrolling through his Twitter account, noticing that some Daniel Howell guy was replying to him and messaging a lot. He ignored the tweets and kept scrolling.

Five years after that, eight years after he had started, Phil Lester was big. He had a gaming channel, a side channel, and many many collabs with other big YouTubers. But throughout it all, he never once gave a thought to Dan Howell, the guy who'd incessantly messaged him for four years straight.

If only he had.

8 years of phil is not on fire. 8 years of cat whiskers. 8 years of bants and references. 8 years of an iconic friendship, never to happen, because of one little decision.

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So I'm doing a thing where I put two angsty oneshots into one! I'm sorry
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Dan loved Phil. He loved his jet black hair, his bright blue eyes, his horrendous dad jokes, he just loved everything about Phil. He loved staying up late to watch anime with Phil, getting up in the morning and seeing Phil making breakfast, filming videos with Phil and editing them later.

The time that they got drunk and kissed was one of the best nights of Dan's life. Because Phil loved him back. Over a few years of secrecy, they  learned each other's bodies. Phil learned how to turn Dan into a writhing, whimpering mess, and what Dan liked to do in bed. Dan learned how to please Phil in the best ways possible, how to be a good sub for his dom. They mapped out each other, tracing constellations of freckles with burning kisses and running fingers down dips and crest in feathery touches.

No one knew about their midnight secrets. No one knew about the kisses before going on the radio, no one knew about the I love you's whispered at parties, no one knew about the accidental sex tapes they made while filming YouTube videos that had to be cut. No one knew. And they liked it that way.

But one day the inevitable happened. One half of Dan and Phil was lost, forever. That phone call, that voice speaking, that sound of sirens in the distance, it was all too much.

The cell phone dropped from Dan's hand and fell to the floor as the words played on a loop in his mind. There's been an accident on 24th and Main, and Phil Lester passed away. I'm so sorry. There's been an accident on 24th and Main, and Phil Lester passed away. I'm so sorry. There's been an accident on 24th and Main, and Phil Lester passed away. I'm so sorry.

His lover, his other half, his Phil, was gone. Simply gone. No longer around. And he would never see him again.

10 minutes. It had only taken 10 minutes for Phil to go to the grocery store. 10 minutes to start back home. 10 minutes to get hit by a car. 10 minutes to struggle for air and eventually give up.

10 more minutes for Dan to register that he was alone in the world. 10 more minutes to run to the bathroom and sink to the ground, sobbing into the mirror. 10 more minutes to feel the grief turn into a black hole of despair.

30 minutes to film a video. 30 minutes to carelessly sob on screen and tell the world that Phil was gone. 30 minutes to make up his mind. 30 minutes to say goodbye.

5 more minutes to upload the video. 5 more minutes to stare at the bar, telling him that it was 45 minutes from being finished.

5 minutes to walk to the bathroom. 5 minutes to pick up the bottle of pills. 5 minutes to swallow them all with a glass of water. 5 minutes to feel the sweet caress of Phil once more.

One hour. That's how long it had taken to lose them both. One hour to remember all the times together. One hour of cat whiskers and baking videos, one hour of secrets in the night, one hour of once joyful but now painful memories.

And by the time the computer dinged, a gunshot in the silent apartment, alerting no one to the fact the video was finally posted, Dan was simply a cold body on the bathroom floor. His spirit had left out of pain to join Phil in that great, wide somewhere.

For the first time ever, the comment section was silent. They would come later, paragraphs of grief, stories of how the two men had changed lives, and mourning all around the world. But for now, the phandom was silent, all in shock at how little time it had taken to lose Dan and Phil, a duo that would never lose its iconicness.
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I'm sorry.