My Alpha Centauri (Completed)

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'The darkest colour in me was black, and although I wanted to be like that - I didn't need to be like that...'

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THERE WERE TIMES WHEN THE BLUE HIT HARD. When it smashed against my shoulders and made me feel as if there was no standing up tall. Then it left me hating the smoke that was currently coming from North's lips, and that was hard; hating something he was doing when I could never hate anything about him.

'What's wrong, little moon?' He murmured through his smoke, his hand coming down to my waist where he then held me against him. I tried to shove him away but he pushed me closer, his fingers tugging at the waistline of my jeans.

I shrugged, glancing around and trying to ignore the weight that crashed against my shoulders and that feeling of erosion. Being eroded.

'Don't give me that.' He muttered into my neck, his lips sending shivers along with his hot breath down my spine. His muscular arms wound tight around my stomach and made sure I was directly on his chest.

I looked back at him, the pain of feeling rising up my throat and making me want to spit my words out to anyone who listened. Then the anger hit, and I felt it bubble through my veins, boiling, boiling and boiling until I was stuck in steam known as my blood.

I was angry at North because he made me feel, because the words were happy being tucked away before I met him – before I indulged in the task of North.

His lips met my skin before I initiated in shoving away a very hard headed male, so then I stopped and tried to focus on these feelings that were clawing for answers. And it made me feel as if I was running, as if the flashlights were still hitting the trees and those shouts were still rising like wildfire. I couldn't think of anything with his lips on my ear, on my neck, on my collar bone...

'Tell me something...' He pleaded and I could hear it in his voice, an undeniable need for me to tell him something, for me to speak. 'I need it...'

But I couldn't give him something I didn't have so I leaned further into his chest, and breathed in the smoke passing from his lips because it brought a familiar so comforting I couldn't push it away.

I felt like I was watching things play out and that I didn't have anything to do with my life because it was being lived by other people. I felt like I was losing a game I had thought I won.

His lips met my own in a passionate kiss that ignited a fire in my blood and made me think of a girl I had seen in a sparkly blue bikini, smoking while she sat in the lap of a boy playing strip poker. She had looked at me as if she understood the heartbreak that burned like fragrance – looked at me like I was as broken as her. Looked at me like she cared.

The words rose like bile and I stared at him like my heart was getting wrenched out from my body because it had stopped understanding a long time ago, but then I realised that my heart had been ripped from my chest a long time ago. His coffee eyes bore into my own green eyes and that had me thinking about how he was so beautiful and that I couldn't speak because my words would taint him like they had tainted me.

I shook my head and reached for the paper and pen I had brought out with us when he had announced that he wanted to spend time with me on the balcony.

'My words hurt too much.'

He read my writing with river eyes, and that made me sad because I was already taking a toll on him – I was already tainting him.

Juggling my options, I grabbed his hand and forced him to look at me, I shook my head when I had his full attention because I wanted him to know that I was serious about these type of things.

But he shook his head too and grabbed my body and pressed it against his. I got lost in him in those few minutes that I was pressed against him and it caused me to think about what it would be like to wake up to that beautiful body every morning.

I tried not to focus on that because the blue fluttered like the ocean waves and my insecurities ran a million miles per hour – fueled by their persistence.

So I opened my mouth and looked at him hard, I pushed my body into that calm look I always had when I told my stories and I told myself I was ready.

Nothing came out...and I was fine with that – he wasn't.

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THANKS FOR CHOOSING 'MY ALPHA CENTAURI'

These are just short chapters.