My Alpha Centauri (Completed)

我崩潰了|6.0

'She didn't understand the impact her lips had on me, nor did she understand the fact that I was as tainted as her...but it didn't matter - nothing mattered but her...'

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A R T

'SUNSHINE...' I never understood why Sun called me 'Sunshine' when her name was Sun. 'Sobo doesn't want your tears, Bub...she has her own.'

I was trying to forget but everything was just prowling my mind and making me want to be like everyone else because they didn't hold her stories.

Why?

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MY BODY DIDN'T FEEL LIKE MY OWN. I was strangely aware of every tingling sensation and numbness throughout my body. I had never woken up in hospital before, so I hadn't registered 'til now that the beeping wasn't some type of element that was trying to mess me up – it was instead a machine that told people if my heart was beating or not. I smelt him before I opened my eyes and because of that I kept them shut, though they flickered and I didn't care if it looked like I was trying to pretend that I was asleep, because I was only trying to escape North in general.

There was a heaviness in my stomach that made me think of the whole 'incident' – not that it was done accidentally – and that hospital smell that instantly reminded me of nurses carting soup and washing their hands with disinfectant, hit my nose like I wanted to hit North.

I was mad, it was like this feeling that took over my grief and told me that I was just purposely trying to remember Gray because he was all of the stages I had been through.

'I'm sorry...' North's voice came and I started wondering about how it seemed to be as smooth as Sun's favourite vinyl and yet it managed to be the gruffest sound I had ever heard at the same time. 'I'm so sorry, ba–'

I flinched at the word baby and even though he hadn't said it, I knew what he was going to say because I knew North and I didn't at the same time. His smell started to cloud my judgement but I refused to open my eyes, because that would mean losing the game I was determined to win.

His apology had managed to seem demanding at the same time, and that made my blood boil so hot I just wanted to grab him by the neck and kiss him 'til he begged me to stop – not like that would happen anyway. I pointed to the door when he began talking and I waited to hear the chair shuffling and the door squeaking but got nothing.

I opened my eyes reluctantly, having to close them rapidly before a picture-perfect North stared back at me with one of the blankest faces I had ever seen on him.

I glared at him, my eyebrows tightly knitted together and my lips pulled into a firm line that told him and others that I was done with bullshit. I was angry because my brother probably wouldn't be waking up and he was the only family I had seen in years. I was mad because North had tried to dominate me. I was mad because he thought he could say sorry and everything would be okay. I was mad because I couldn't speak. I was mad because he had lied to me but most of all I was mad that he had taken Evan away from me when I hadn't loved him – so I couldn't grieve because to me he had died a long time ago.

North's chocolate eyes met my own and I had to avert my own because I was constantly at the risk of giving up everything and playing his game when I looked into those eyes.

Seven walked into the room and I sent him a small smile, as if to thank him for trying to stop me but frowned when I noticed that South wasn't following him.

Catching on, Seven murmured, 'South's getting patched up a few rooms down...'

My palm hit North's cheek on its own accord, and I had never thought I'd be able to slap someone and actually make their head tilt to the side but I did it. The smack resounded to the air and it clung so tightly until the atmosphere was so tense, you could see it on Seven's face that he thought North was going to crack.

A red mark appeared on North's face moments later and his smouldering chocolate eyes met mine for a few seconds 'til I turned and gave him my back. His heavy breathing was the only sound in the air and then the chair scraped across the floor and the door slammed shut.

I sighed in relief; my whole entire body sagging into the mattress and my eyes being able to close until a shooting pain retched up my side. I knew what it was so I wasn't alarmed but instead of getting the blissful sleep I had been planning on getting, I got a concerned eye from Seven.

'Do I need to get No–'

My body was doing a lot of things on its own account but this time I shook my head and held up my hand to stop him from saying anymore; each one of my actions perfectly planned out.

'North's worried about you, ya know?' Seven murmured, his large body hitting the chair like my palm hit North, 'He was so shaken about it all and I've never seen that man so emotionally unstable –' His own bark of laughter cut him off and I stopped my heart from beating frantically at the mention of North being worried about me. '– even when South almost fell off a cliff...him being here is what stopped it from hurting, Art. That's why your side didn't hurt when he was in here...just give him a chance, he knows he's messed up and he's willing to do anything to make it up to you.'

But I couldn't give him a chance when I had to search for something I couldn't find here.

My brain started screaming, then my heart joined and I was stuck in a whirlwind of so much noise and terror. In all the confusion I realised I was done playing games so I reached for the paper and pen he had grabbed for me and wrote with shaking hands.

'I need to find my family...will you help me?'

Seven just looked at me, his lips pursed and his eyes conflicted between two forces.

'I can't help you but I can talk to North and he can look for them for you...'

'No. No North...just me.'

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THANKS FOR CHOOSING 'MY ALPHA CENTAURI'

I just had to get that bit out there...