My Alpha Centauri (Completed)

家很難|7.5

'I was trying. I tried. I tried so hard that no one ever realised that I was actually trying...'

||

A R T

THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT BEING HOME THAT REMINDED ME OF BEING FREE. It burned its figure into my skin, like the tattoo on my ribs; forever reminding me of the things I left behind. It all seemed too easy and maybe that was because I was so use to the pain and the hate it brought that it felt too simple – too okay.

My body didn't feel like my own and my hands shook more than usual, I was used to this feeling but something in my stomach told me that being used to this wasn't okay and that I – wasn't okay.

I parked the car on the side of the road, a Victorian-like house peeking out of the shadows and crashing against my heart in a way that made me feel. It reminded me of too many things and my brain started to hurt from the pain of familiar and realising that nobody had ever cared about me like I did them.

_____

'Get out! Art! Get out...' My hands shook rapidly and I looked at her with tear stained cheeks, 'And don't come back...'

I couldn't speak, the words had wedged themselves into my throat and I was finding it hard to breath. The door closed before I could react and Sun's face retreated into the darkness it had come from.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'M sorry! I'M SORRY.

I wanted to scream my pain over and over again until it painted the walls and she got the message that I hadn't meant to be like this. That I hadn't meant to do this.

Please...Please don't leave me.

My knees hit the ground and my whole entire body shook – not just my hands – a cold sweat slithered its way over my skin and my body hurt.

I tried to speak over and over again but nothing worked and I was starting to panic and the door got further and further away and I...

I lost my voice...

______

I felt weak and I couldn't explain how used and abused that made me feel.

Everything was familiar and that burnt like heartbreak, because I was so sick of being forced to forget when all I wanted to do was hold onto the things that made me feel like home.

'He was my son!' A heavy voice pinned through the air, sounding extremely familiar yet at the same time I felt like I had never heard it before. There were more words but I didn't understand what they meant or why they were said the way they were.

Then I heard Sun's voice and my body convulsed into a pile of rubble that I knew no one would ever want to pick up. There was more but I couldn't hear it over the screaming of my brain and the buzzing of my ears. I think I started screaming but nothing ever came out and I felt the tears roll down my cheeks in a way that made me feel fragile and impossibly broken.

______

'Get out! Art! Get out...' My hands shook rapidly and I looked at her with tear stained cheeks, 'And don't come back...'

I couldn't speak, the words had wedged themselves into my throat and I was finding it hard to breath. The door closed before I could react and Sun's face retreated into the darkness it had come from.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'M sorry! I'M SORRY.

I wanted to scream my pain over and over again until it painted the walls and she got the message that I hadn't meant to be like this. That I hadn't meant to do this.

Please...Please don't leave me.

My knees hit the ground and my whole entire body shook – not just my hands – a cold sweat slithered its way over my skin and my body hurt.

I tried to speak over and over again but nothing worked and I was starting to panic and the door got further and further away and I...

I lost my voice...

______

The words stayed holed up in a spot I couldn't reach and they wouldn't come out even with how much I wanted them to. The sound of a door slamming open rung throughout my brain like North's growls used to and I found that I just wanted to be in his arms – forgetting everything I came to remember.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry!

My eyes connected with ones I thought I would never see again and it burned like crazy until I was pieces of ash and dust. They were blue, an icy blue that I thought I would never see again and everything just reminded me of the ocean and the fact I was just sitting on the bottom, a piece of rock no one wanted.

Sun screamed and in my mind – I screamed too and then she started running and my knees slid to the ground, and my vision blurred with tears and these sensations crawled up my spine until I wished I had no pain and...and...and...

'Oh My God, Art!' Her voice hit me like North's lips used to hit mine and I shrunk, I shrunk into the fact I didn't speak and that my voice couldn't pull back and lash out.

'Art?' It was the voice from before and then a face I had only even seen in those memories that were so long ago you couldn't tell if they were dreams or memories, smacked into my vision and caused those tears to fall too hard.

I was pulled into arms that weren't as warm as North's and my body felt strangely out of place, and no matter how much I pulled and scratched I couldn't get away from the pain of everything and I just...couldn't.

When my ears started to work I heard the howling and that was confusing because North couldn't have found me this quick. But I tried to ignore that and focus on Sun who was sobbing into my body, whispering how she was sorry and that everything would be okay now that I was back.

Would it?

My body stopped shaking and it was then I realised that I had been shaking and my heart beat raced to calm down but that did nothing and this overwhelming feeling was still aching my bones and making me hate myself continuously.

I looked up at the man who reminded me of too many things and wondered what he had been and why he had been it, then his mouth opened and an expression that meant too many things fell onto his face.

'It's me...' The man whispered, his eyes looking strangely like Sun's and his body postured like Evan's used to be, 'Dad...'

_____________________________________________________________________________

THANKS FOR CHOOSING 'MY ALPHA CENTAURI'

Please say if you like it.