My Alpha Centauri (Completed)

抱歉|7.0

'His fingers traced my skin and his lips met mine, but there was something in his eyes that made me pull away and think hard.'

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A R T

THE NUMB FEELING – I called it Painless – crawled up my body and froze my fingers, it made me feel like I was in control of the organ I called my heart. But I knew I wasn't and that made me ache because I cared too much. I needed Painless, because what I was about to do was going to crawl up my body and make me hate myself every second I had a chance to.

I was back in my old apartment because Seven had managed to get me out of North's sight, my backpack felt too heavy and my arms felt too light when they wrapped around Seven's shoulders.

'I'll see you again, Art...but I'm warning you, when he realises you are gone, I will do everything to get my Luna back because –.' I nodded, trying to ignore the pang that Luna sent through my chest.

After more silence and a few words from Seven, I got in the car and willed my hands to work – they did however and I drove out of the driveway like I was going to go get some groceries.

A trip I wouldn't come back from...at least not for a long time.

I knew where Sun was and that made everything hard because Sun had told me to never come back and that's exactly what I was doing – coming to forget.

My hands shook and it made it hard to drive but I kept my eyes trained on the road and hoped that my thoughts wouldn't try to murder me.

Not that that worked.

A soft song clung to the air as the radio crackled and that made me sad because it was one of Sun's songs. My body quivered more and my eyes locked onto the radio, wishing that the world would leave me alone and it would accept me for my brokenness.

The silence was heavy; no one was here to fill the air with their voice and that made me hurt some more and it was all piling until I was this rock that had had enough of being abused by the ocean's waves.

Crack.

The crack wasn't as loud as before but it filled the silence and made my head spin until I had to clamp a hand over my ears to stop the buzzing. My breathing didn't seem familiar and it was hard to come to terms with the fact my body was my own and that North –

Stop it!
It was impossible to stop my mind from wandering and – damn it wandered so far I was starting to think that North was right beside me and that I was back in our room, thinking about the hurt my voice brought.

What hurt more was the fact that Sun was only hours away and that she had been living close to me when I had stopped running. It punched. Hard.

My stomach started to churn and my heart felt like it wasn't supposed to be where it was.

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'She's not like me...' A deep voice crumbled through the air. Dad. 'She's not like Evan and she's not like Sun – why the hell isn't she?'

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My brain stopped working and the signs kept passing until WELCOME TO GERALSON sent a pain to my head. The sign was blue and it made the blue crawl through my body and press at my heart because everything was always too much. I was coming back to the place where I used to shine, to a place where I'm no longer welcome, to a place that tried to forget about me just like I tried to forget about it, to a place that hates me. Everything was the same and that forced me to think about all my life choices and the things that killed me. Everywhere I looked something reminded me of something, and that something reminded me of another something, and that another something reminded me of an old something and it was so confusing and painful. I was stuck – in a loop of somethings and everythings, and other things and another things.

I hadn't stopped anywhere because I was afraid that someone would find me and return me back to North. It was a constant fear that pulled at my hair and scratched my skin.

The activists still screeched on the streets, pictures of cows and chicks that had been turned into processed food and other things were strewn across the shops' walls and spray paint spewed everywhere, affecting every corner and biting every butt.

'Do you realise you are eating meat? Meat that has come from cows, pigs and many other animals – you wouldn't eat your dog though...would you? So what makes it any different? Animals are animals and if we don't start treating them right there won't be any animals left –'

I shook my head when I heard their chants because it was all reminding me of North and how he loved so hard. I missed his lips already and his hips, his eyes and his jaw, his body and his beautiful face, his words and his actions – I missed him more than I wanted to and I had only been away from him for a few hours.

My body started to seize up but I ignored it and focused on the road because that's all I could ever do. North prodded at my thoughts, squeezing and finding a way to dominate my entire being without even being here.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that I let you down.

I wish he could hear me because then he would realise how much I hated disappointing him and causing him pain.

Everything always hurts.

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THANKS FOR CHOOSING 'MY ALPHA CENTAURI'

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