My Alpha Centauri (Completed)

幾個月後|6.5

'I made the mistake of dancing in your storm...'

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A R T

'I'LL GET NORTH TO HELP YOU...the doctor said you'll need help with little things like having a shower – don't give me that look, Art. I'm getting him whether you want to see him or not.' I sighed when Seven exited the room, looking at the shower in distaste and trying to rein in my anger – apparently I can't do anything without pulling the stitches on my side.

I sat on the bench and waited, dreading his heavy boots and those coffee-coloured eyes of his, I knew if I looked at them again for a long time, I would spill everything and stay in his arms.

The door swung open but I kept my gaze on the ground, his combat boots soon obstructed my view of the floor, so I glanced at his attire – making sure to not look at his face – before glancing back down.

'Stand up.' His deep voice sent shivers down my spine that were impossible to stop, so I accepted my fate willingly, knowing that whatever North did to me wouldn't be as bad as what he had done to Evan.

If you're emotionally unstable, don't you have to be capable of feeling?

I stood up begrudgingly because if I didn't North would have done it for me, and held my hands above my head for him to pull off the hospital gown. He did it slowly and I'm sure it was to make sure he didn't hit the injury on my side but I thought of it more as torture, because his nails dragged against my skin lightly and his body came closer than I wanted it to come.

My chest hit the cold air and I unknowingly took a step towards his warm body only to catch myself in the act and take about two backwards. I crossed my arms over my chest but it did nothing to save me from his hungry eyes, then he squatted down so he was able to reach my underwear and I closed my eyes tightly. He stopped and I peeked one eye open to see him looking at the thick claw marks marking my torso with remorse that made me feel guilty for even thinking of leaving him and I tried to convince myself that I was doing this to find my family but nothing was working.

His soft fingers reached for my underwear and I inhaled sharply when he pulled them down my legs, I trusted him not to look and even though I knew he wasn't, it did nothing to stop the slight pang of arousal that surged through my stomach.

When I opened my eyes, I watched him take in a deep breath and close his eyes, then they snapped open and he looked at me. He looked at me like he was looking through me and I didn't know what he did next because the tears blurred my vision and the lump strained against my throat in a way that made me crawl.

I couldn't stop them from falling because my own body decided that it didn't want me to be in control anymore, he just watched me, like there was this barrier between us that stopped him from coming any closer.

My brain started screaming and my heart joined it like before, the tears didn't stop and I wanted to fall so far into the ground and hope I never came back up. I just continued to look at him and he continued to look at me and it was in that moment I realised that he was tainted too and that it was stupid of me to ignore that fact – to pretend.

I couldn't hear anything but I knew he didn't say anything because his lips didn't move, then he pulled off his shirt and started to rip his clothing off his beautiful body.

His lips hit my neck when I closed my eyes and his warm breath washed over my skin in calm waves.

'I'm sorry.'

The tears came down harder and I glanced up at him through my lashes and realised that everything was so fucking hard because we were so fucking broken. My fingers latched onto his shoulders and I rested my weight against him because I couldn't help but want him.

He lifted me up and the warm water washed away all the pain on my skin and I focused on him, trying to not think of everything that made me feel like I had let him down.

His forehead met mine and his lips engulfed my own in a kiss that made me feel like we had both cracked for the last time. His warm embrace made me feel safe and although the pain seized for that moment, I knew it hadn't forgot who we were.

'I'm so fucking sorry.'

I didn't know what he was sorry for because there were too many things that he could be sorry for and that made me ache until I disintegrated into the words that had shaped me.

I'm sorry too...

_____

'Get out! Art! Get out...' My hands shook rapidly and I looked at her with tear stained cheeks, 'And don't come back...'

I couldn't speak, the words had wedged themselves into my throat and I was finding it hard to breath. The door closed before I could react and Sun's face retreated into the darkness it had come from.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'M sorry! I'M SORRY.

I wanted to scream my pain over and over again until it painted the walls and she got the message that I hadn't meant to be like this. That I hadn't meant to do this.

Please...Please don't leave me.

My knees hit the ground and my whole entire body shook – not just my hands – a cold sweat slithered its way over my skin and my body hurt.

I tried to speak over and over again but nothing worked and I was starting to panic and the door got further and further away and I...

I lost my voice...

______

North's hands brought me out of myself and I gazed into his cold-as eyes and hoped that he would never tell me to get out.

'Hey...hey, baby look at me...' His hands felt cool on my skin and I realised I was hotter than normal; he continued to wash away the pain and fright, and anger and might until I was a puddle with the name Art and nothing else.

My little bubble started to burst and I felt the tears dry on my skin, but nothing could make them leave and I felt them permanently etch themselves onto my cheeks because I could never forget when I cried.

I wanted to speak and it piled onto my limbs, telling me that if I wanted to speak I had to let go of Sun and Evan, and Bambi and Sobo, and Mum – especially Mum.

______

'If you ever need me...look to the moon, Chīsana tsuki...I'll be there...' Sobo whispered, her hands coming and resting on mine, I glanced in her eyes and saw something I didn't like so I looked back at the ground.

_______

I'm sorry.

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THANKS FOR CHOOSING 'MY ALPHA CENTAURI'

I don't know anything anymore