The Basketball Jerk [Ongoing]

Chapter 22: The Restraining Order!

It feels like I’m floating in the wind. Parang ang corny lang pero totoo pala yon, yung feeling na ang saya-saya ko na kinikilig pa na nakakaewan na. Pagod na pagod na din ang magkabilang pisngi ko dahil kanina pa ako parang tangang ngiti nang ngiti at pigil na pigil magpapadyak at magpagulung-gulong dito sa kwarto ko.

 

“Mahal ako ni Harold! Mahal niya ako!” hindi pa rin makapaniwalang paulit-ulit kong binabanggit. Despite the fact na nakakaloka na, ang sarap-sarap lang ng feeling. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam pag nalaman mong ang taong matagal mo nang gusto eh may tinatagong pagtingin din sa’yo. Though I can’t put it exactly in words how I feel right now, I just know I am happy. I really am, at last.

Sa totoo pa nga, kanina pa ako nakahiga dito pero ayaw pa din akong dalawin ng antok. It’s just that my mind is so awake, reminiscing how pathetically I’ve been torturing myself for the past six years with those moments that I’ve been depriving myself to expect and assume for the fear that I’m just giving myself false hopes. How I’ve been constantly telling myself that it hurts to love but not to be loved in return. But then I guess, it is more painful to love someone and never find the courage to let that know how person how you feel and then regret it. Pero ngayon, everything has lightened up. Minsan pala sa buhay, we really are the one making our lives miserable. Siguro resulta na rin yun nang masyado nating pag-iisip. We often think too much of the consequences, the risks, and the possibility that we’ll just end up hurt kaya tuloy even before we start, we have already given up. And that sucks. It really does.

Fortunately, I was able to break that wall, that I finally had the courage to confront him. And it feels so good. At last, nawala na rin yung agam-agam sa puso ko. And I am very much grateful for that.

 

‘Tulog ka na?’ a message from ‘buwakaw’ popped out of my phone when I was about to bury my face in my pillows again. Halla, bigla tuloy akong nataranta at agad na napabangon.

I tapped reply pero di ko agad maisip kung anong ita-type. I kept on typing, deleting and retyping what was on my mind.

 

‘Hindi pa? Bakit?’ Itapped send. Sa tinagal-tagal kong pag-iisip eh yun lang pala sasabihin ko, kaloka!

 

‘Dito ako sa baba.’ And that message was enough para tuluyan na akong mapabalikwas sa higaan ko.

Nasa baba siya? Anong ginagawa niya dito sa bahay eh halos mag-aalas-diyes na ng gabi?  Tsaka teka lang, ba’t ba niya pinaaalam sa akin na nandito siya? Does he want me to go down para makita siya? OMG, anong gagawin ko?