Tabula Rasa ~TW/TO~ Lahey

Chapter 9: Detention

The clock strikes three as I walk into the library where Harris is holding the special detention session. Not that I deserve to be here, but maybe this won't be so bad. Even though I'm still surrounded by ignoramuses. At least they aren't Derek or Erica. It'll be like a mini-vacation, where I simply sit here for an hour in silence. I may even try to catch up on some sleep.

Ever since the news of my deceased brother, I've been having nightmares that keep me up most of the night. My guilt from not going back to Mystic Falls when I knew I should have has been eating me alive. I never had the chance to tell Kol I love him and it's been haunting me every day. Even though the distractions that I've been using to keep myself sane. I can block the thought out, but it slowly makes its way back into my mind and I suffer from the memory as I try to keep getting through the day. I don't want anyone to know about it because I don't need pity, nor do I need anyone to use my emotions as leverage to overpower me.

I shouldn't have stayed in Beacon Hills. I shouldn't have let a promise to him get in the way of saving his life. No promise is worth keeping when it takes away someone I love. The only person I've ever loved. I may not have known that he was going to be murdered, but we made a different promise many years ago about protecting each other no matter what. And I broke that promise.

Shaking the memories away, I try to focus on the situation at hand; Jackson. And to make sure I don't take the situation into my own hands, it is probably best that I don't sit near him. Finding Scott and Stiles at another table, I decide to sit with them. I know they have more information than they let on, and I want to know what it is if they do.

"We can't be in detention together," Jackass states as he points over to my table. "I have a restraining order against these tools."

"All of these tools?" Harris questions further.

Stiles raises his hand, "No, just us tools."

Well, this is news to me. When did that happen? How did that happen?

Mr. Harris gives the two tools orders to move to the table beside us, adding an extra ten feet distance between them, leaving me alone at the table. Not that I'm complaining. I feel like I haven't been left alone for so long. It is either Derek breathing down my neck to keep a close eye on me or helping Derek with the Kanima and his pack. I don't mind being in the presence of Isaac, though. He doesn't irritate me like Erica, and Boyd doesn't seem to have a sense of humor. But Isaac's charming and doesn't make me want to cut his throat as I do with everyone else.

The sound of Jackson groaning brings me out of my thoughts, and I'm thankful for it. I shouldn't be thinking about Isaac like that. Hell, I don't think about anyone like that, so what makes Isaac any different? Sure, he is tolerable to be around, but even then that doesn't mean I fancy him.

I have been acting out lately. More than usual. With Kol's death, my anger has been through the roof and my killing instincts have multiplied. I bet I'd be getting along with Erica right now if Kol was still alive. I quite like her personality. She went from nothing to something. She doesn't let the people that use to walk all over her do that anymore, which she has Derek to thank for that.

I mostly take my anger out on him when he isn't a bad Alpha. I mean sometimes he really is just ignorant, but he tries his best and I can tell he cares even though he doesn't show it. Emotions are his weakness and I can understand that's why he doesn't express them.

I blame him, though. I blame him for my brother's death. I blame him that I couldn't save my brother. I just blame him for everything. And I've been a bigger bitch to everyone because of it.