Tabula Rasa ~TW/TO~ Lahey

Chapter 10: What is it with Beacon Hills and caring?

A few hours pass after checking on Isaac, and not once did I get a wink of sleep. I prefer no sleep over the torture of dreaming of my brother seeking his revenge on me, though. Not that being awake is any different. It's already all that runs through my mind, just without the vividness. I have a few distractions here and there, but in the end, my guilt always lingers in the back of my mind.

Before I can once again get caught up in the darkest of my thought, a mumbling Isaac peeks over the train seats and takes my attention away from them. I greet him with a 'good morning' and he returns it, adding a 'thank you' for the blanket I had given him back last night.

"How did you sleep?" I ask him.

He rubs at his eyes and sits up into a more comfortable position, "Got enough hours in. How about you?"

I stay silent for a second, debating on if I should lie and say I slept fine, or tell him the truth. Tell him everything that is going on in my mind; both conscious and unconsciously.

Just when I'm about to answer his question truthfully, Derek stalks into the cart staring at us knowing he ruined some sort of moment. Maybe it's for the best. What would I be thinking if I told him about my brother and dreams? He has no reason to know about them. It won't solve anything. My problems will still be there.

Derek speaks up after a second of looking in between the two of us to inform Isaac and I on Scott's recent decision to become our ally. However, there's a catch. He only agreed to cooperate if we do things his way, meaning save Jackson and not kill him.

I, on the other hand, am not too keen on following some teen wolf. Especially when it comes to him saying we are saving Jackass when in reality he is far from saving. He has killed two people, that we know of, and there is no cure for Kanimas. Jackson is a threat to this town and I'm unsure as to why Scott cannot understand that. But I'm sure he'll quickly learn death is the only answer to stopping him.

I'm astounded at how I am thinking this way towards this town. A town that I don't give a damn about. It's as if I don't know who I am anymore. As if I am lost and trying to find myself again. I am the way I am because of Kol, but now that he is gone...I feel different and motivated to be better because of him...because of how I lost him and the feelings that it brought me. No one should have to go through that.

However, it's hard to change in a snap. I'm so used to killing for fun that trying to change my ways won't be easy. It's an instinct to be a bloodthirsty vampire, but if I want to be different then I have the potential to do it. It'll take time to adjust, yes. But it's possible.

Also, there is the selfish reason for wanting Jackson gone too. If he continues to stir chaos the way he is, it can turn heads in my direction and that's the last thing I need.

Derek and I arrive at the animal clinic Scott asked Derek to meet him to discuss how they will work together to handle the Kanima with a man by the name of Deaton. Why Derek has me tagging along, I don't know. But I'm glad that he is keeping me in the loop of things now. I've finally knocked some sense into him.

Walking up to the entrance, Scott unlocks the door to let us in, "What's she doing here?"

"I need her," Derek deadpans. That's something I will never hear Derek say again.

"I don't trust her," Scott replies while watching my every move as I walk inside. "Yeah, well, she doesn't trust you either," I tell him with disinterest. He acts as if I give a damn if he trusts me or not. He is smart to not trust me, though.