Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - T H R E E

"Those hardest to love
need it most."

  -  L. A. 

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Anisha smiled softly as her lips quivered. She was begging herself to hold it together, to not fall apart. There was something sad about heartbreak. Especially when she could feel her heart breaking, physically.

It was the question she'd asked herself over and over. She never found an answer to it though. No matter how many times she had asked herself that question, she could never truly answer it.

She could easily tell him that it was for Ryan and Mira. But that wasn't all there was to it. 

Sure, they acted like a perfectly happy and in love couple in front of their kids. She hadn't even been sure if it would be worthwhile to stay in a broken relationship just for her kids.

What kind of lesson about love and life would it give them?

Anisha tightened her hold on the chair, holding onto it for support. She wasn't even sure what to say. That's exactly what she told him.

"I don't know. I really don't know why I stayed." Anisha kept her gaze on the chair. She'd look down at her hands, the dining table, the floor. Everywhere but at him. Her voice was filled with regret, and acceptance. Acceptance of everything she had suffered and she had let herself suffer with. And regret, for staying as long as she had.

"How long did I leave you for? A month or two?" 

Something had always pulled her back to him. Even when she had thought about leaving, something always pulled her back.   

Now, it was emotionally draining for her. He was forcing her to think, to talk about things she'd pushed aside, things she no longer wanted to deal with. She was simply done, done with all of it. 

"I still remember the way Ryan stood in the doorway, refusing to come into my new apartment and instead." Anisha bit her lip, rolling her lower lip between her teeth. She glanced over to the clock and wanted nothing more than to sleep. To sleep and hide away from the pain and sadness the world seemed to throw at her. "Instead he had started screaming, and crying, and begging that he wanted me to come home. He was apologizing for you. He kept telling me that you were sorry. And that he was sorry. I think Ryan thought that it was his fault that I had left. And you have no idea how much that hurt– to watch him stand there and cry that he was sorry. And that he wanted me to come home."

"You said you were sorry. You said you'd changed. And you did. We were fine for two years and I forgave you. Everything was fine. God, I was happy. I was so fucking happy." Anisha fiddled with the the ring on her finger. She just wanted to take it off and forget about everything. 

"We were expecting our second child. I finally had what I had always wanted. It was the life I'd always dreamed about. Everything was perfect for me. And I used to think that fairytales existed for a reason. I used to believe that happy endings really did exist. And the way I felt back that, it sure felt like everything was perfect. It was my fairytale. It was my happily-ever-after."

But it hadn't been. Things had easily come crashing down for her. Some heavy wind had swept her fairtyale away. And pushed it far out of her reach. 

"But then, you fell back into the same pattern, the same mistakes all over again. Except this time, I had Mira and Ryan to think about. And somewhere along the lines, I still thought about you. Though the second time around, you broke me to the point where I don't think anything can fix me." That's how she got to where was today.