I want to kill myself.
Not because I really want to die. I think what I really want is to die but would still be able to see how people would react. I want to know how people would try to romanticize me and erase my flaws. I want to witness how people would say "she was a lovely girl" and "i wish i spent more time with her". I want to laugh at how people would think they're sad but they really aren't.
I want to die but still be able to watch them say "she used to be so happy, i wonder what made her do it". It's weird and impossible but I think I want to see all of that.
But at the same time, I don't. Because I know there might be people crying, but soon enough they'll forget me as they continue to live their own lives.
I was just a passing soul. I never mattered.
But sometimes, I really wonder.
What happens then?
04:42
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anx·i·e·ty
Randomyou were six and you're never good enough. you do this wrong, you did that right -but not quite. you were six. and you're never good enough. you're thirteen and ain't smart enough. you can't pronounce faux pas properly. you cannot derive formulas...
