im here // phan

seventeen

So he was quick, quick enough to let me back in and tell me Phil was going to have to be here for another week. Another week extra than before because he was weaker than they thought he would be. I️ really believed that he could be strong enough. He was my little Phil though, and I️ was going to protect him no matter what.

"You're telling me another week here? In this cramped bed? Are you bananas? I️ can't stay, please. Dan will take care of me. He'll put me on bed rest, and I️ won't leave for a week. Come on, please." Phil pleaded, and I️ stood next to him, our fingers intertwined.

"Sorry, Phil. We have got to keep an eye on those bones. We also have to take some scans to see if your brain got damaged." The doctor explained.

"Why haven't the damn scans been taken already?" I️ asked, too angrily.

"Calm, please Dan." Phil begged, his limp body rested on the hospital bed. He squeezed my fingers a little more.

"The machines were fully booked yesterday after the crash. More intense traumas happened yesterday." The doctor replied.

"Alright." I️ sneered, and Phil looked at me smiling.

"His scan is today, very shortly actually. He's next up." The doctor said, looking at Phil like he should be excited or something. I️ could see Phil's blue eyes grow duller from the words.

"That's good, right Phil?" I️ looked back at him, and he faked a smile for the doctor, but he couldn't get by me.

"Right." Phil cheered, trying to force the happiest emotion upon himself. He could fool anyone else, but we had some sort of connection that allowed me to see right past his act.

"I'll be back in a bit, then we will take you back for the scan." The doctor said, flashing us a quick smile, and shutting the door behind him as he left. I️ looked at Phil, and noticed he started to cry.

"Phil, what's wrong sweets?" I️ asked, bending down so I️ was eye-level with him on the bed.

"The, the scan and thats, I've never done that before, and, and I️'m scared. I, I'm scared Dan." His words collided with one another as they slipped out of his mouth. I️ wiped the tears from his face, leaving my hand on his cheek.

"Look at me, Phil. Squeeze my hand really tight." I️ gestured my hands out at him, and he took them lightly.

"Okay, okay." He repeated. His eyes were swollen and red, and it was the worst way to see him.

"You will be fine. I️ know I️ can't be in the room with you, but I'll be right outside waiting for you. You won't leave my mind for even a second, Phil." I️ assured, and he nodded. His hands applied more pressure to mine, and I️ took that as the sign.

"Thank you." The little phrase slipped from his mouth, but it meant the whole world to me.

"Any time." I️ whispered gently. I️ could see the redness of his eyes start to lighten up, and the tears started to slow.

"You, Daniel Howell, have just witnessed the nervous breakdown of Philip Lester." He chuckled a little, and I️ could really tell it was nervous laughter. His eyes were shifting all over the room, but they settled on me after a few seconds. He had intertwined his fingers and rested them on his lap.

"I️ don't know what emotion to feel honestly." I️ said, inhaling and exhaling a deep breath. I️ started to laugh along with him, but the laughter silenced soon after.

"Honor. No one has ever seen me break down before. The main things you'll see when I️ break down are the puffy eyes along with the redness, uncontrollable tears and absurd stuttering." Phil explained, the life suddenly back in his charming blue eyes and pale skin. There was something about the way his skin would glow when he was happy, and how it lost all life when he became sad.

"Phil..." I️ started, but he stopped me. He stuck his finger in my face.

"Shh! No sympathy for me, please. Don't want it. Don't need it." He objected, waving that finger back and forth. I️ followed it with my eyes, becoming dizzier and dizzier. Phil giggled, and it was the most adorable thing in the whole world. His eyes got all crinkly and his tongue peeked out of his mouth.

"Alright, alright..." I said, but of course, I would always feel sympathy for Phil. He deserved it. He deserves all the love in the world.

"I'm gonna be fine. I'm just upset you won't be able to be there with me." He confessed. His little blue eyes stroked my brown eyes, and he smiled wide. "Seriously, Dan! Don't worry." He obviously noticed the tears clouding my vision. He was blurry, but his features were all so distinct still.

"Phil, I'm going to worry about you. I care about you a lot. You know, Phil? You changed me. I was a depressed kid, and that is how everyone knew me. Sad emo boy who listens to twenty one pilots. I was such a horrible person too. I bullied kids myself to lift my own spirits. I tripped kids in the hallway and laughed. I spent more time in the office than in class. It was very bad. My mum was very concerned. She put me therapy at school, and outside counseling too. It didnt work at all. I literally had no hope for my life. I wanted to kill myself. I cut my wrists up and even overdosed one time. My mum actually found me and took me to the hospital, luckily. I was almost dead Phil. Then, we moved over next to you, and when I actually met you, I actually was happy for once. I smiled for you. I never smiled. Never. I'm the happiest I have ever been now. I've been clean from cutting since that one time, and I haven't tried to take an excess amount of drugs at once. You saved me, Phil. So yes. I am worried for the one light in my life. The one thing that keeps me going." I spilled. I gulped, then took a deep breath, filling my lungs. My leg was bouncing up and down quickly.

"Dan, I didn't, I didn't know I, I could, wow." He stammered, a single tear streaking his pale cheek. I reached out to his face, and stopped the tears with my finger, smudging it off.

"You are more powerful than you know, love." I said, cutting of the last word. I blinked slow, assisting the tears in falling out.

"You are too." Phil choked out. His wiped his eyes with lots of pressure. His hands were trembling along with the rest of his body. I gestured for him to scoot over, and I sat down next to him.

"You'll be okay, Phil." I assured.

"You'll be okay, Dan."