im here // phan

thirty

possible triggers ??

30 minutes until we had to be at the park. It was a windy and bitter day out, so I had layered myself in a bunch of coats and sweaters. Dan had done the same. I was hoping it would keep the bullet out of his heart and he could live.

Dan zipped up his last jacket, "Ready, Phil?" He asked. I wanted to shout and tell him I wasn't, but I decided against that.

I checked to make sure my shoes were tied, "Yeah. Lets just go and get there early. I can't stand here any longer." I said, and he opened up the door, and gestured me out. I walked out the door, down all the stairs, and to our car. I unlocked it with the keys I had been clutching too hard, because they left an imprint on my skin. Dan got into the passenger side and I got in the drivers side. I felt like I was driving Dan to his own funeral.

Dan clicked his buckle into place and looked into the dark sky, "This is what I will miss most. Darkness. The night sky." He said simply, and he kicked his feet up on the dash.

I started the car, cool air blowing from the vents, "I'll be reminded of you whenever it becomes night time, and I will think of this very moment and what you said." I said, feeling the tears already starting to form in my eyes. I wasn't ready for him to die, but he wanted to. I wanted him to be happy, so I just had to accept it. It wasn't going to be easy but it had to be done.

Dan looked over at me, his brown eyes glistening from the moon light, "I don't know what it will be like after I die, but if I have any sort of consciousness, I will remember you. This moment. Every moment." He lamented.

I began to drive in the direction of the park. I never really wanted to reach the destination, but we had some time. The car ride would put us there right on time, but again, it just didn't feel like enough time.

———

We arrived right on time, and we spotted PJ sat on a bench right next to the playground. I opened my car door, and walked over to PJ. Dan followed right behind me.

PJ even looked upset, and he had only known Dan for a week or so, "I don't even know what to say, Dan and Phil. I have only known you guys for a week or so, and yet I feel like I don't want to let you die, Dan. It feels so wrong. Like there should be something else we can do." PJ said, his eyes welling with tears. He took his glasses off and wiped his eyes.

Dan sighed deeply, "Look guys. I get that you all love me or whatever sappy word you wanna use, but I guess it is my time to go. I feel simply drawn to this moment. This is the moment when I am meant to die." Dan spilled. That seemed so deep. Dan was a deep person I guess.

I laced my fingers in Dan's, "I'm not ready to talk about you in the past tense." I admitted, and Dan smiled.

Dan chuckled, "Dan was the raddest lad in all of the UK. See, that sounds better than is the raddest lad in the UK." He joked, and that had PJ and I laughing.

I jumped and unlaced my fingers from Dan's when I heard footsteps. There came my dad with my mum, out from the darkness. Dan was right.

Dad stepped closer to us, the gun right to my mum's head, "So, who will it be, Philly? Mummy or little Danny?" He pressed. A tear rolled down my cheek. This was really Dan's end. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. Now, it was simply too late for any sappy talk.

Dan stepped out in front of me, "I am going to be the one and only who dies tonight." He said, holding his hands in the air.

PJ stepped cowardly behind a bush, "Why..." He mumbled. I wanted to join him back there, because I could feel my breath starting to shorten and my heart beginning to beat incredibly fast. I could feel the panic attack creeping up on me. I tried to stay calm, but the tears were screaming off my face and I was choking on my breath.

Dad released my mum, and she scampered over next to my side. I gave her a hug. She whispered, "Dan is brave. I wish I could thank him, but you father is going a little insane and said that if I spoke, he would shoot us both. Phil, I can't believe I was so incredibly rude to you and Dan, if I could go back and do everything differently, I would. When I told your father I was going to support you, that was when he made the threat video. I am so sorry he put you through all of this."

I tried to steady my breath, but it was still incredibly choppy, "It's okay, mum. I love you so much and I always will." I said, giving her another side hug. Now, I was focused on Dan. He was standing right out in front of me and my mum. His long fingers were high in the air, waiting for the brutal blow.

Dan was shaking a lot, "Phil, I love you! Don't even forget that, please? Keep that Polaroid of us on you at all times, put it in your wallet," He said, and Dad looked angry, but he didn't shoot him yet. "Mrs. Lester, take care of Phil please? Make sure he stays healthy and make sure he goes to school and keeps his grades up. He is going places, that boy."

Dad rolled his eyes, "You done yet, boy?" He asked.

Dan nodded, still shaking, "I think I am. One last thing though, Phil. I love you. I know I said that already, but I want you to burn it into your brain. I love you. I'll say it over and over. Get it stuck in there. Remember my voice." He dragged on, and my dad looked ready to shoot. His hands were on the gun, steady on Dan.

Dad stood his ground, "Bye bye, Danny boy." He said, and that was the last moment I ever had with a living Dan. The bullet came faster than I could blink, and hit Dan right in the stomach. My mum winced, going behind the bush with PJ. My dad stood, not moving one inch at all from his firing position. Me? I went into shock. It felt like that. I collapsed down next to Dan's looking at him.

I sobbed, "Dan, I know that you can't hear me, but I wish you were here with me. I wish you were still alive so I could kiss you and hug you and...oh Dan..." I whimpered. Then, I thought my imagination was playing tricks on me, but it seemed to be real. My hand was over his stomach, covering the hole where the blood was pouring out, and I was trying to stop it. I felt my hand rise and then fall.

Dan's deep voice came out in a gentle whisper, "I'm here."

*