More Than Words Book III: More Than Love

Chapter 15

I don't know if I should be writing or posting considering I can see shit straight. Not well n all that. Still.

Arthit wakes up, a satisfying sleep later. He smiles through his sleep and stretches his arms but doesn't find much space to stretch his limbs. He frowns and turns around to find himself staring at a sleeping Kongphob.

Kongphob is still here.

He hasn't left.

Arthit reaches out and very, very cautiously touches the younger man's face, afraid he'll wake him up. With the tip of his forefinger, he traces the sharp, aquiline features of Kongphob who looks so much younger like this. He almost looks like the Kongphob who was his boyfriend and not the man he has come to become. Arthit's breath hitches. He misses Kongphob so much. So so much.

He misses his words, his touches. Arthit misses being able to touch him, scowling at his jokes and feigning anger at his horrifyingly embarrassing pick-up lines. Arthit misses all of Kongphob - his obsessive cleanly self, his busybodiness, his ability to make Arthit laugh, cringe and love someone. Arthit misses Kongphob's love, his single-minded focus on him. Arthit misses belonging to someone while being himself. He misses the acceptance. And most of all, Arthit misses being able to love someone, knowing someone was his, just as much he was theirs.

Arthit sucks his breath in as Kongphob's eyelids flutter and he quickly, snatches his hand back.

If even after 12 years they still want each other, why had they broken up? Kongphob turning up in the middle of the night, bringing him food, asking to watch a movie with him, travelling from so far only to come to his house instead of going back to his own, Arthit can only come to one conclusion with respect to Kongphob's feelings for him. He wants to be happy, excited. He really wants to but he can't. Call him paranoid but he is worried. Fucking anxious.

However, seeing Kongphob sleep next to him and him sandwiched between the bed behind him and the taller man in this cold morning, he finds it hard to recall why they had broken up in the first place. Why he needs to be cautious. Why he needs to be careful. Because it wasn't bad luck that they broke up. Unlike what everyone had thought, unlike what he himself had thought, their relationship wasn't perfect. They aren't perfect together. But, it is hard to remember. He wishes his love, their love to be easy but it isn't. It is insane and it makes him want more.

Arthit watches Kongphob's eyebrows twitch and knit together and the former breaks out of his reverie. Why is Kongphob still sleeping? He touches the latter's forehead to check for fever but Kongphob seems fine. It is unusual for Kongphob to sleep longer than him. He shakes the younger man.

"Kong, Kongphob, wake up."

Kongphob only frowns in sleep.

"Wake up, you'll miss your work! It is late."

Arthit doesn't need to check time. He always wakes up late. He shakes Kongphob by his arms. "Kongphob!"

Kongphob finally opens an eye. "P'Arthit?" He asks, his voice deeper than usual. "Wha' happen'd?"

"You're getting late for work. Wake up."

Kongphob stares at him for a heartbeat before in a quick motion, he kisses Arthit on the mouth and plops back. "Don't worry. It'll be fine." Arthit just watches him stunned. "You should sleep too." Arthit begins to protest but Kongphob pulls him closer and tucks Arthit's head against his chest. "Quiet. Lemme sleep." Kongphob kisses him above his ear and then his breathing his easing and he is falling asleep. The calm beating of his heart lulls Arthit back to sleep.