Southside Boy

I Love You, Goodbye

{Flashback 4/4}
FP's POV
Once the sun starts shining in through the window I slowly get out of bed, careful not to wake her up.
I walk out to the kitchen and make some coffee. After the night we've had I think we'll need it. It was never my intention for her to get hurt, in fact it's my biggest fear, and now it's come true.
I'm about to pour the coffee when she walks in the room, I turn to face her. I smile when I see her. My t-shirt is lingering just above her knees and her curly blonde hair is pushed to the side, she looks beautiful.
"Good morning" she says tiredly as she wraps her arms around my waist.
"Morning. Want some coffee?"
"Please." she leans up on her tip toes and kisses me. I'm going to miss this.
When she leans back I finally see her up close and notice a cut on her cheek, the skin around it bruised. "Does it hurt?" I say as I brush my thumb lightly over it.
She smiles weakly and takes my hand.
"A little."
"I hate that he did this to you." I wrap my arms tightly around her waist.
"Me too." she says sadly as she looks down at her feet. I tilt her chin up.
"He's never going to hurt you again." I say and she just nods. "You're never going to have to deal with the Serpents again. I promise." I wrap my arms around her and she hugs me tightly. She leans back enough to kiss me softly and then takes a seat at the counter.
I make her coffee the way she likes it and set it on the counter in front of her.
"Thank you." she says before taking a sip.
"So how'd you sleep last night?" I say sitting down beside her.
"Alright, I guess." she says sadly. I can tell how much this entire situation has taken a toll on her. It's awful seeing her like this, it kills me inside. "How about you?" She asks
"I didn't" I say before taking a sip of my coffee.
"At all?" Her eyes grow wide
"Nope. Well not after the first time you woke up. I was too scared I'd be asleep and you'd dream about it and I wouldn't be there to wake you up. It's not like I could've slept anyway after seeing you like that"
"FP... you didn't have to." she says sadly.
"Of course I did. It's all my fault Alice, I shouldn't have taken you to that party, I knew deep down it was a bad idea, especially since I knew he would be there. I feel awful. Absolutely awful. And I don't know how to fix this for you, and I wish I could."
"FP don't you dare think this is your fault. It's not. Not even a little bit. I wanted to come you gave me the option and I chose to come. You didn't want me to go for this reason, but I said I'd be fine. You stayed with me the entire night, you kept a close eye on me all night, you did everything you could. So don't you think, even for a second, that this was your fault."
"I know it's just-" I stop. I want to say it but I can't, not when I'm about to lose her. "You know what nevermind. We should probably get you home, your parents might be worried if you don't come home soon."
"Yeah you're right." she gets up from her seat and sets her cup in the sink.
"I'll go get your clothes from the dryer" I say as I get up. She nods and walks back to my bedroom.
I return a few moments later and hand her the clothes. "Thanks" she smiles softly.
I'm going to miss her.
She takes off my t-shirt and hands it to me. "Keep it." I say "You wear it more than I do anyway." she smiles and I can't help but smile back.
"You sure?"
"Positive."
She gets dressed and looks in the mirror trying to hide any visible signs of the night she had. I don't think either of us want to explain it to her parents.
I sit on my bed, trying to think of the best way possible to handle this situation, but there's no best way. Every way is hard. Losing her is going to be the worst thing to happen to me. She walks over to me slowly and crouches down so we're face to face.
"FP, are you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."
"You sure? You don't look fine." she rests her hand on mine as she looks deep in my eyes. She can always tell when I'm lying, it's pretty much impossible for me to lie to her and she knows it. She knows me better than anyone.
"I'm okay, don't worry." I say giving her a reassuring smile, even though I'm not fine. I'm far from it. She returns an unsure smile and leans up to kiss me. I place my hands on the sides of her face, never wanting this moment to end.
*
We haven't talked much the entire ride. My head has been going crazy trying to think of the best way to do this. I pull into her driveway and hop out of the truck. Rushing over to her side to open the door before she gets the chance. Yet another thing I'm going to miss. I take her hand as she hops down. I walk her to the front steps before stopping and taking her hand.
"Alice... we need to talk." I say, there's no going back now.
"About what?"
"About us." her eyes grow wide as she clues in to what I'm about to say. "Alice, I've been going over this in my head all night and all morning and I want you to know that I don't want to do this. But I have to"
"No. No you don't" I watch as the expression on her face grows worried.
"Yes I do. Last night my biggest fear came true. And I know you say it's not my fault and maybe it's not but in my head it is and there's no way I'm going to ever forgive myself. The minute Silver came back and told us you were gone scared the hell out of me Alice. I've never been more scared in my life. I can only imagine how you were feeling in that moment, and just thinking about it kills me. I knew exactly who had you, and I was terrified of what he was going to do to you. I looked all around that place for you and when I finally found you I wanted to kill him. He wouldn't have done it if he knew it didn't bug me so much, so yes it is my fault... Seeing you so terrified and helpless absolutely broke me."
"FP I told you there's nothing you could have done, Mustang had been planning this since he saw me walk in that place. Baby, it's not your fault. Please don't do this."
" I can't put you in that situation again. If we're not together anymore than they can't bug you. They won't come and harass you, Mustang won't lay a finger on you ever again."
Her eyes quickly become glossy as tears begin to form. I can feel tears threatening to sting my eyes as I let go of the most important thing in my life, Alice Smith.
"Alice you're the most important person in my life, you mean everything to me. You're the only real thing in my life, the only support I have. I don't even remember what my life was like before you came into it. All I know is that it wasn't good. I'd rather end this now then put you in another situation like that. I don't want you getting hurt any more than you already have."
"Why are you doing this?"
"I just told you. I don't want you to get hurt, and the more you're with me or around me the more of a chance there is you'll get hurt."
"No. FP that's not the only reason. You and I both know it, so what's the real reason you're doing this."
"Because I love you" I shock myself as I say that. I didn't want to tell her because it would make things that much harder for us.
"I'm in love with you Alice, and I can't watch you get hurt anymore. Us being together is dangerous and I can't watch you risk your life. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you. That's the real reason. I don't want to do this, but I can't risk you getting hurt again." I try to turn before she can see me cry but it's too late. Her hand grabs onto my arm just as a tear falls down my cheek. She brings her hand up to wipe it away, keeping it there as she looks me in the eyes.
"I love you too." a tear rolls down her cheek as she says it. I'm quick to wipe it away.
"Alice you have no idea how much you mean to me." she doesn't say a word as she wraps her arms around me. It's taking everything in me not to completely break down. I feel a tear slip down my cheek as I hold her tight. She leans up and looks at me, she looks confused, like she doesn't know what to do. Then suddenly she kisses me. I kiss her back, never wanting this moment to end. She pulls back, instantly looking away.
"So I guess this is goodbye then?" She says as she slowly looks up at me.
"I guess so." I say as my eyes meet hers. She can tell this is killing me, like I said, she knows me better than anyone. "I love you Alice." I say pressing my forehead against hers.
"I love you FP." she says softly as a tear rolls down her cheek. I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. She hugs me back, holding me as if I'm everything she has. I never want to let go but I do. My arms slip away as I turn to walk down the steps. I don't look back at her, knowing that if I do I'll forget everything and we'll stay together. But I can't do that to her, not if I want her to be safe.
I finally look at her, tears rolling down her cheeks as she watches me drive away.