Who are you?: Phan

21

Phil: So...what do you want to do?

Dan and Phil sat awkwardly in Phil's room, not talking. This was Phil's mums request. Once Dan had gotten out of hospital, Jenn and Maria begged Phil to invite Dan over. It took a lot of persuasion. It's been a month since Dan left the hospital but here they are.

Dan: I-I don't mind.

Phil: Do you want to watch a movie or play video games?

Dan: Whatever you want to do.

Phil chose the video games and he plugged his Xbox into the wall. Phil wished that Dan wasn't here. Phil hated peoples company, he liked to be by himself instead of interacting with people. Phil handed Dan a controller and they started playing Mario Kart.

After an hour, Dan had won every single game they had played.

Phil: *groans* Why are you so good at this?

Dan: *smiles sadly* A lot of practice.

Phil: Do you just lock yourself in your room and play video games EVERYDAY or something?

Dan: *frowns* Kind of.

Phil: I'm going to make it my personal goal to defeat you one day.

Dan: *laughs* Good luck with that.

Phil lies on the ground looking up at the ceiling. The silence isn't awkward anymore. It was at first but then they got used to each others company.

Phil: Do you believe in reincarnation?

Dan: I'm not sure what I believe in. Why?

Phil: If you believed in it, what would you want to be reincarnated as?

Dan: Bit of a random question don't you think? Probably a bird.

Phil: I'm a random person if I'm honest. I'd be reincarnated as a fish.

Dan: *laughs* Of course. Can I ask you a question?

Phil: Yeah?

Dan: You know that day you tried to kill yourself?

Phil: *uncomfortable* Yes?

Dan: What triggered it to be that exact day?

Phil: I don't know. It was like everything had just gotten too much for me to handle. I felt as if my thoughts were suffocating me and I wanted to be free of them. I had this friend, or at least someone I considered to be a friend, and they stopped talking to me all of a sudden. I felt like it was my fault because I was so pathetic that nobody would ever want to be my friend and that I was fooling myself thinking that they were my friend in the first place. Then that day in school when I got beaten up, I thought to myself while I was bleeding barely conscious on the ground...I wished that he had killed me so I wouldn't feel guilty about doing it myself.

Dan: Oh...

Phil: But it's okay now. I'm a lot better now.

Dan: So the counselling is helping you?

Phil: Yes. It's nice to talk to someone who isn't my mothers.

Dan: You know that you can talk to me right? If you ever need anything...I'm just a phone call away.

Phil: I don't have your number.

Dan: Oh yeah, never mind.

Dan realises his mistake too late. He can't give Phil his number or he'll realise that it was him who was texting him what feels like so long ago.