Change of Heart (Shigatsu Wa Kimi No Uso/ YLIA Fanfiction)

One: Introduction

A/n: Hello! Now that you have read the warning, hope you like this book!

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Arima Kousei POV:

As I open my own black curtains at my new home in Tokyo, the sunlight went into my room which made my eyes close. When I opened them for the second time, I looked at the world before me. The sunlight means that I get to live for another useless day.

At first, I was fine all along. I still can play my piano but years after that, I am not the same Kousei anymore.

My music is like that of a ghost, creating sounds over a piano. I don't care about it, though. That's who I am now. I have changed so much...

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I chose to leave the place where I bear a lot of important memories. Seeing the old house kills me and cuts me deep. I was fine even after Kaori's death. I was already moving on from her death when an unexpected event occurred before I truly get myself away from all the pain I feel. I delved into the darkness more- deeper than ever before.

My father passed away suddenly. He was killed by an unknown person. I was devastated when I saw him in a figure that still haunts me today. I lost all color that Kaori returned to me.

My world isn't just monotone. My world is covered with shadows. My world is blanketed with clouds and fog in which I don't know how I could leave. I feel like someone took me far from everyone and imprisoned me in a birdcage.

I couldn't see anything or feel anything anymore.

Father's death splurged me into a cold, misty world.

His death broke all of the pieces of my soul.

I am a broken figure.

My body and soul are shattered after I saw my father dying in front of me.

At his funeral, I never spoke to anyone. I can't even cry. My emotions won't get out that easily. Tears aren't enough to get all of my emotions and frustrations out.

My eyes were entirely blank. I am dressed in black.

Watari Ryota and Tsubaki Sawabe tried to talk to me but even how much I scream 'Help' inside myself, my mouth won't move.

I don't know anything anymore. What I only know are pain and agony.

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After his burial, I wished to see my father again and join him in his grave but Seto Hiroko's holding me too tight, preventing me from jumping.

When the ground was closed up, all of the people who joined us left. I was left behind in front of his grave after some time. I don't want to believe that my father passed away. He's the only family I have left. I saw him at home in a pool of his own blood covering him. There were three knives that are attached to my father's body. That was the last I have seen him.

Why was he murdered?

It's agonizing torture that shook me to the core that made me numb.

I was the one who found my own father, bleeding through his head, shoulders and back with knives struck to him at home after I had my graduation. When I screamed and cried hard, Seto Hiroko found me covered with my father's blood. I took the knives off my father's body. I tried to save him since I still found him breathing even after he had all of those knives on him but I wasn't able to save him. An ambulance took him away while Seto Hiroko looked after me and hug me. I cried painfully after that as I prayed to return him to me. My eyes went blank after my tears dried. My prayers were not heard.

More bitter tears left my eyes when I learned that my father died in the hospital but after all of my tears went out of my eyes, I felt so numb like I am some kind of a mannequin. I don't want to feel the pain of his death anymore. He said he'll congratulate me and will take me to his house outside the village where I am living alone but after I got back home, it was a shock to see him bleeding. Someone stole his life.

His death had a more devastating impact on me than the deaths of my mother and Kaori. I was diagnosed with major depression. I attempted suicide for so many times. I am on the verge of total insanity.

Due to how many times I tried to jump from my balcony whom I always fail to do so because the Sawabes were always stopping me, they locked me in my room. They fed me for a few months but at the time I found a sharp pen and struck my wrists, they gave up on me.

Since they believe that they can't manage my actions anymore and look after me, I was brought in a mental hospital by a male who fetched me up and brought me inside the mental institution where I was locked from everyone. I lost all of my ability to play the piano for a few years. I was in a catatonic state for a few days after I was brought in a new, strange environment where I am isolated from everyone else. The institution had me wear a white shirt and white pants. I was losing my sanity when I struck my own wrists as I see the ghosts of my mom and father asking me to join them.

I wished to be with them but no one listened. I was handed to a doctor and some nurses, they locked me up in a white room. After I was locked up in a room with only a bed and no windows, I never knew freedom ever again. I had my prison guards who kept on getting in and out of my room.

I was in a mental institution where I am fed, forced to drink medicines, and I know, at that time, I am dead.

I look like that I am alive but truthfully, the Kousei they know before passed away. He's nowhere already.

When I had a dream about Kaori, she told me, "Kousei, I will always be with you. Don't give up. Live."

I woke up and cried agonizingly in my room and screamed. "Kaori! Kaori! Kaori!!!"

I can't stop screaming and as I am screaming, nurses went into my room and sedated me which made me stop crying and made me sleep.

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A few years later, I slowly got better and I lost my will to kill myself.

Seto Hiroko was there when the nurses took me out of my room. She fetched me out of the mental institution where I was isolated for three years. Yes. It took me three years before I was able to leave. They ordered her that I must always take my medicines. I still take them always.

It always had been a part of me now. If I don't have it, I go back and scream in pain again. I am afraid of losing myself and becoming totally insane. I don't want to be locked up again. I have to keep fighting my own demons.

I need someone again... to save me.

I am moving, talking, eating and playing my own piano but... I consider myself a ghost of my own self. Arima Kousei died at the time he witnessed his father dead. Will there be someone who will save me and bring me back to life? Will I ever feel alive again?

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A/n: This is my newest book. Well, I hope you like it! This is truthfully a painful book to write! I'm sorry if it is too painful.

Theme song: Bring Me To Life

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