Forever and Always

I closed my eyes. That was all I could do. I was so scared. And he had left me all alone because he thought I was lying. I wasn't lying. I really did love him. I wanted him to help me, protect me and make sure no one ever tried to hurt me and that was exactly what he wished upon me.

"I hope you choke. All those things you said, I hope you choke on them." he pointed an intimidating finger at me. " You lied, and cheated." He flung his arm toward me and turned his back, like it would make me go away. I was a lot stronger than that. Clearly; he just couldn't take a hint.

"That is what you have to say to me? You hope I choke? I wont choke, there isn't anything that I broke, and I didn't cheat! why do you so strongly believe that, Angel?!" I called after him. I didn't want him to walk away.

"I saw you kiss Andrew!" he yelled turning on me and coming leaning close to my body. "I loved you, Sever. Not. Anymore." His voice was quiet then. Softer, but it hurt me. The words smashed my heart like a glass plate smashed against the cement pavement.

He lifted a gentle hand to my neck and leisurely pulled my head up to his. He wanted to kiss me. He had never before and I was pretty sure he wasn't about to. This wasn't a good time to kiss. It was wrong. He refused to kiss me every time I tried to kiss him and now all of a sudden all he wanted was a kiss, I could see it. He was like all the others, all they wanted was to make out with me or something a little bit more.

I pushed him back, feeling his hard, compressed body push against my hands. Tempting. I refused him any way.

"What's wrong? Tired of wanting every guy you lay eyes on?" his words were now shards of glass, they had a goal, rip whatever was left of my heart out of my chest. 

"That was uncalled for, Angel." I said his name with hesitation. "You are probably more like a devil, you BA--" he lifted his index finger to my lips to make my rising voice silence, it worked. My eyes closed slightly. His breath was on my neck as he wrapped his arms around my back.

I am stronger than this. I thought to myself. There was no way I was going to let him control me, not if he was the same as all the other boys who attempted to use me. I shoved him away from me.

And just like that, I had lost him. Angel meant so much to me, but he was just like Andrew. He wanted my body, nothing else. I had to do something to destroy myself, if I killed myself, I would no longer be able to object to their behaviors. If I destroyed myself so that I was unattractive... that would be a different story... maybe Angle would understand that I didn't want him like that. That I loved him, not JUST his body.

I drove to the cliffs, the cliffs he had told me he would dive off of one day if it would save my life. Now I am going to dive off them, to save my own life.