blunder - jortini

hurricane of feelings

The sun shined through my eye lids,which made me wake up.I kind of tried to get out of Jorge's hands.
When I stood up,I started at him,while he was sleeping,I could see half of his face.When I looked at his face,I had so many moments in my mind.
I couldn't handle this all so I locked myself into the bathroom,and cried for literally 20 minutes.
„Tini are you in there?" someone knocked and then asked.
I knew it was Jorge so I held my breath so he doesn't know I was actually crying.
„ yeah,I wanna shower." I said and tried to act okay
„ okay, i make us breakfast." he said and I heard his steps when he left the bedroom.
What am I actually doing? This is not okay I cannot continue this. No. Why do I let him come in and out whenever he wants? I should stop it.
When I came out of the Bathroom,I saw him cooking so I just started at him.
„I hope you like Pancakes." he smirked.
„Jorge we need to talk." I said and all of a sudden his smile faded.
„This can't continue like that. You're all of a sudden coming back into my life like nothing happened. Our story is over,I moved on.Please,leave me." I said and tried not to cry,while he was just starring at me.
„But I love you." he said when I looked into his eyes
„ I-i. Just leave. It's the best." I said and he nodded.
„ I understand." he said,packed his stuff and before he opened the door he looked at me.
„I hope you will find your true love." he said with a sad smile and closed the door behind him.
That's the moment when I couldn't hold myself and fell on the ground and started crying.
Why is letting go so hurtful. Please make this go away,why can't I just meet someone I love forever?
I love him so much,that's the truth and it hella hurts.
The floor was so cold but all I did was crying.
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please let me go...