The Bride

17. finding you -part 1

arnav sat down on his bed tired. he massaged his forehead trying to get some relief from the tension that has built to the extend of volcano erupting in his brain.he has come back after calming his nerves ,hoping to make it up to khushi but her absence has shocked him. the packet of once hot jalebis lays orphaned at the floor . he has tried to find her in all the possible places in this town but there is no trace of her. he had gone to bus stand too find her but she was not there nor anyone saw her.its night now ,where she would be ,all alone and probably scared. what if something happened to her, he will not be able to forgive himself.

he brought her with him . he become selfish and snatched her chance at second life.he couldn't fulfilled  his responsibility towards her.

his legs has given up so do his heart. he have lost her. he don't know where she is ,how she is. he have proved his sister right , he is  a raizada , selfish and uncaring man just like his father, his grandfather ,his brother.

he dont deserve her but she also didn't deserve what she has to face because of him. he has told her to go and she is gone ,so why he is feeling so alone ,so devastated as if someone has snatched his breath away. but he has to make sure she is safe. he needs to find her.he cant give up. he wont give up. he will fight and bring her back , he wont become a heartless man. he wont leave her alone anymore , she is his wife. no more running away.

its been one week  from that day that she has found khushi missing. his roommates cum friends have been really helpful . they have covered every households of town and made sure to do a thorough searches of bus stations and other medium of transport. vivek's uncle works in the government transport bus department , they have narrowed down the buses that went during the time period when he left khushi and when he come back to find her missing.

there are around five buses that left that day in different directions only two of these which travel to his' house and other to her's home. arnav has decided to take the route that leads to khushi's village while his friends are going to search the  all villages on other routes ,just to be sure. she must not have been in a state to actually plan to go somewhere fixed and she is still a kid.

arnav has earlier thought to stop at every village and search for her there but he decided against it . there is huge chance that khushi will be back to her home where she is safe with her parents but even that chances seems bleak because of the way  they have runaway on her marriage day. if khushi is at her home , than she is safe and maybe...maybe he should just leave her there.  he ran a frustrated hand through his hair, what if her parents tried to marry her again , now even someone worse than previous. he cant do this, he cant leave her. but what would he say to her parents, how he will make them believe that he is going to keep her happy this time.

its dark now , he make his way towards khushi's home with heavy heart and slow steps . how will he face khushi , will she be able to forgive him. can he forgive himself ? he stopped a tree far way from her home, he is not able to gather the courage to knock on that door . he stood there for a long time looking at the closed door of the house while leaning emotionally tired on the tree.

a surprised voice made him come out of his thoughts that were blank just as his life, with no purpose , only abyss of sadness.

"daamdji"

garima could not keep the surprise from her voice. he is here. arnav looked at her with blank eyes.

"is khushi with you? where is she?    why are you waiting here come inside the house. do not worry about khushi's father, i will make him understand."

arnav 's leg start to shake. she is not here. she is not safe in her home. where is she . he has lost her truly forever, his heart seems to stop , his breathing seemed to quicken due to shock. his eyes moisten with all the  negative  thoughts  running in his mind.

garima looked at him shocked , she felt short of breath, 'why he is so sad? , why he seemed so lost? where is khushi? where is my daughter? why she is not with him?'

she tried to control the sob that made it to her throat , no that could not be true. khushi has to be fine. but why her heart felt so heavy all of sudden. is god punishing her for going against the society's norm , for not following her husband's words but why her daughter has to face the burn of her doings.

garima clutched arnav's color and shook him hard.

"say something. where is she?" she half yelled and half cried. but arnav stood there like a statue as if he has left with no soul .

'you did this. you killed her!'  old memory struck him like a arrow .arnav felt  himself travel back in time ,where he was in same position as now.he saw himself standing alone in a corner , his seven year old self shaking with the fear.

'you are stupid ,stupid boy. you killed your sister.it is because of you she has died,that familiar voice that he hated with vengeance.

the seven year old boy shook with fear as the man in front of him made his way to him.his innocent eyes filled with tears that were flowing with no barriers.

'she .. is ..just sleeping' he told the man in front of him in his small shaking voice. she is just sleeping why this man is getting angry at him.

'YOU FOOL  YOU KILLED HER!'  the man shouted .

'sh..she will wake u..p after a while'  the innocent boy said again.

'NO SHE WONT CANT YOU SEE , SHE IS DEAD.' the man clutched boys's shoulder shook him with anger.

'YOU KILL EVERYONE NEAR YOU. YOU ARE EVIL CHILD.YOU ARE A CURSE' the man shouted and slapped the boy making him fell on floor and crying from the pain.

garima fell down on the ground sobbing hysterically. he is not saying anything but the way he is standing is making garima think worse of the situation. where is her daughter.

"i trusted you! i gave you my daughter" she said in between her sobs , she did not care if the whole village come and stare at her , all she wanted was her daughter. these two aggrieved souls stood there alone fighting with their own demons and cursing their own decisions.

"my daughter! WHERE IS SHE? i want my daughter safe. god! please give me my daughter. do not punish her , please punish me.i made the wrong decision. i forced her to believe that her husband can keep her safe. but i failed , i failed. TAKE ME"

tears left arnav's eyes ,his adolescent heart pained with the feeling of losing someone again. has she lost her forever. not able to see garima in this condition anymore, he tried to calm her down. he sat down near her , holding his hands together in forgiveness , which he know he do not deserve.

"i will find her , please do not worry. i am sorry"

he sat there for a while not able to come with anything that can make the grieving mother happy , he stood and ran away.