Always, Marinette • adrienette au

19 || grave

The grass felt soft as he stepped over it. The cemetery was mostly quiet and Adrien had to count his breaths in order for them to even out. He didn't like it there. The energy in this place got under his skin and sunk into his bones and resided with him for days.

If he hadn't missed Marinette he probably wouldn't have come. He didn't like it there. It was grey and the smell of freshly turned dirt made him sick. The feeling of death and the sadness it brought hung over this place like a cloud.

Adrien approached the young girl's grave. He was surprised to see Tom Dupain sat in front of his daughter's tombstone reading. His voice didn't shake but it wasn't loud. The older man's shoulders were hunched as he concentrated on reading. Adrien stood there because he wasn't sure what to do.

Suddenly he began to feel really guilty about her diary sitting at the bottom of his bag. Her father should be the one reading it. Not him. He didn't deserve it. Adrien didn't deserve Marinette and what was once left of her beautiful mind. All of his other dark thoughts bit ferociously into his mind just to make themselves more apparent. Just to make him feel even worse than he already did.

Tom finished with a small nod and bookmarked the beginning of the next chapter. He said goodbye to his daughter and turned. Adrien immediately stiffened because he wasn't sure exactly what to say and how to word it.

Tom stood from the ground and Adrien did his best to not look as freaked out as he felt. The older male's eyes went wide as he saw the blonde boy. Adrien waved.

"Hey, Mr. Dupain... How are you?" He swallowed the lump in his throats and forced a small smile.

"No better than you I guess," Marinette's father laughed but the sound was empty and hollow. He stopped after a few seconds like the joyous sound physically pained him.

"Her favorite author finally released the new book to the series she was reading..." Tom trailed off and gripped the sides of the book. "I know she would have wanted to read them so I'm reading them to her..." The pain in his voice couldn't be described. The despair from his admission filled the small space between them.

"She would have liked that," Adrien's voice cracked from trying to talk through the sob that was trying to make its way up his throat.

Tom only nodded. "Visit her as long and as much as you like but make sure you live your life as well. She would have wanted you to live your life and not be so tied down to her." The older male gave a small smile.

"Tell Sabine I said hello and that I'm planning on coming by sometime soon." Adrien gripped the strap on his bag.

"She would like that," Tom smiled and squeezed Adrien's shoulder before starting the walk home. He stared at the pale stone marking where Marinette now laid. It was probably one of the saddest things he had ever seen.

His chest hurt as he crouched down and laid a hand on the gravestone. "Hey," his voice sounded weird. He cleared his throat. "Hi Marinette." It didn't feel right not seeing her smile or blue eyes.

"I'm reading your diary... It feels oddly personal yet calming." He cracked a half smile but was only greeted with silence and a cold headstone. Adrien let his hand drop beside him. "It's hard without you. I'm sorry I really wasn't with you towards the end of your life. I think I'll regret that for as long as I live." The young male took a deep breath and wiped his eyes.

The silence blanketed him and he could do nothing but stare at the empty space in front of him, much like in the diner. It made his stomach hurt. Tears began to well up in his eyes and he had a hard time breathing. Minutes passed. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm not great. I'm not doing well at all," He finally sobbed out. "Everything reminds of you and that you're gone. I'm just so tired all the time. I just want to sleep for a long time, for forever!" He could hardly contain himself. "This sadness just eats away at me... I'm not even sure if I'm me anymore." Adrien wiped at his cheeks trying to stop his own cries.

"I want it all to stop. I want everything to be over," Adrien sobbed with his head in his hands, ashamed that he was even thinking this way at his friend's grave. Why didn't he want to live with every fiber of his being? Why didn't he just want to live? If not for himself at least for Marinette, live a life that she wasn't guaranteed. Yet all he could imagine was himself walking home and swallowing all of his father's sleeping pills. Adrien hated himself in that moment.

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Adrien came here to be close to her yet he didn't feel any better. "I'm sorry," He apologized. It didn't make him feel any better. He pulled her diary from her bag and thumbed to where he left off. He turned the page and was met with an envelope.

Adrien's fingers shook as he carefully flipped over the letter to see Marinette's beautiful handwriting.

Dear Adrien,

Hi again!

I hope you're doing well and aren't too sad that I'm gone. Well, I'm sure you're sad but I hope you start to feel better soon!

A little note from me: Once you come to terms with what happened sadness and grief don't last long. Think about everything that makes you happy. Think about everything you have to live for.

Sorry, that was kind of depressing but I just have this feeling that someday you'll need this. I hope when that day comes you're able to stop those spiraling thoughts.

This letter is for Chloé. When you have the time will you deliver it for me?

Always,
Marinette.

P.S. Thanks from the past for something being done in the future. (Sorry that's was my dark and dying humor coming through and this pen is dying oh no I'm so sorry)

Adrien was smiling as he wiped away the happier tears. He could practically hear her voice through her little notes and he loved it. It was almost like she was still there. Adrien loved her. He got up and ripped off the tape connecting the letter to the page. He began the long yet short walk to the Mayor's mansion.