Always, Marinette • adrienette au

21 || far away

Chloé's departure took a toll on him. Everyone seemed so far away from him now. Adrien didn't think he would ever keep up. He thumbed through Marinette's broken diary once again. He read most of it already. Her words and many entries swam before his eyes and always took over his thoughts. He couldn't escape it. Adrien couldn't escape her.

He wondered just how many more letters he would need to deliver. It wasn't easy watching the people you knew break over again and again. He was sure she didn't mean to but it hurt him and seemed to tear a new hole in his chest with every new encounter.

It wasn't ideal to say the least. Adrien was already sad enough but somehow this little journey or quest only encouraged the sadness to grow and spread. To take root in his chest and bloom in any space he could provide. He was empty so the dark thoughts only flourished. His only solution and solace was Marinette's diary and he found himself flipping through the pages.

Dear Ladybug,

Things are getting much worse. My body is deteriorating. I'm in and out of the hospital all the time. I need the BiPAP to sleep.

It's now even difficult to swallow food.

My doctors told me the average ALS patient will normally expire in two to five years. LB I don't even think I can last that long.

I'm just getting worse and worse. I can't even walk by myself anymore. My fingers twitch too much or not enough. Soon I won't be able to write anymore. I want it all to stop. Everything is much too painful. I'm dying and I just want to go in peace.

I don't want to drag this out anymore then I have to. Once my muscles fail me, once my own body betrays me, once I need a ventilator to survive I'm going to stop. I was reading about a way that my death can help other and I found it. DCD. Or donation after cardiac death.

Once I need a ventilator I can opt out of the care and die while still meaning something while still being some sort of myself. I can still help people after my death.

I want to help others. That's all I ever wanted to do. I just don't know when that'll be.

Always,
Marinette.