Rogue Undecided

.:~Chapter seven~:.

I've never been one to sit around all day, and do nothing. I'm always up and about, and it's hard to sit still sometimes. But as I laid on my new bed, and looked up at the ceiling of my new room, I couldn't bring myself to do anything.

It was like my skeleton was coated in cement, and it look everything in me to simply move. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and by the productive rate I'm going at right now, I won't be finding out until my funeral.

My eyes refused to leave my pink ceiling. Yes, you read that right. Pink ceiling. My whole room is a white and cotton candy pink theme. White poka-dots decorated the pink walls, and the whole space smelled of flowers. All in all, my room reminded me of the popular underwear store in the wall.

Looks like Victoria's Secret, wasn't so secret after all.

A knocking on the door broke the perfect silence in the room, and before I got the opportunity to tell the person to go away, the door was already open.

"Farrah Honey, we're going to leave for church in an hour, and we would love it if you came with us" Emily sat down on my bed beside me.

I turned my head to face her smiling face. ''You want me.." I pointed to myself. "to come to a religious place with you, full of people that you know?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" She looks confused.

I raised my eyebrows. "Wouldn't you be embarrassed?"

Shock passed over her face. "Why would I be embarrassed?"

I gestured to my outfit, which considered of leather shorts, a pair of old beat-up navy Converse, a black and white striped tube top, and my black leather jacket. I gave her a look.

"Wouldn't it be embarrassing to go to church, which, no doubt, consists of the whole population of this town, with your delinquent foster child, that just so happens to be wearing this"

Emily shook her head. "Of course not! It wouldn't be embarrassing to go to church with you. It wouldn't be embarrassing to go anywhere with you!" she hesitated. "You just can't wear that"

"Uh Hun, this right here, summarizes my whole wardrobe. Whatever Virgin Mary outfit you want me to wear, doesn't exist in my world. So exactly what do you want me to wear?"

The smile on Emily's face made me regret ever asking that question.

~*~*~

I look like an American Girl Doll that has boobs.

After Emily literally dragged me out of my room, I was forced to put on a light yellow dress that came down to the knee. It was a straight cut, and had a high neckline and quarter inch sleeves. The whole dress was loose, and it flowed when I walked.

Then, my hair was curled against my will, and almost non-existent make-up was added to my face.

I will admit, I did look pretty. I wasn't wearing those slutty dresses and dark make-up that I always wore. I attracted positive attention looking like this.

And I hated it.

Ever since my parents died, I've been terrified of the idea of getting close to someone. I know that it's stupid, but I can't stop myself from fearing that if I get close to someone again, than they'll die just like my parents.

When I was little, I used to dream of finding my mate, giving myself to him and no one else, and having him love me for the person I am inside. My dreams were shattered when my parents were killed. I started hating mates, and the very idea of love. I pushed every guy away that wanted to get to know me, and I stuck with the ones that didn't even care what my name was. I was safe that way. I couldn't get hurt that way.