Rogue Undecided

:~Chapter seventeen~:.

Scolding water pelted my back, burning my skin, but it still didn't seem it be hot enough.

I scrubbed at my skin furiously, but some frantic part of my mind wasn't convinced that I was getting clean, even after my skin was raw and red.

I have to get his scent off of me!

But even my request was just as irrational as my behavior, for the burning scar in my neck reminded me of just that.

He marked me. I still couldn't believe it.

Every time I touched my shoulder, I whimpered in pain, and betrayal. He marked me against my will, and to a wolf, that hurts worse than a silver knife wound.

You see, when your mate marks you against your will, what should have been a ecstasy bite, turns into one of pure blistering pain. It's the consequence, I guess. The side-effect.

I was the side-effect.

At this point I couldn't tell whether I was crying, or if it was the scolding water running down my face. It all felt the same, I guess. They both symbolize my destruction.

They both show how defenseless I have become.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around me and stood in front of the mirror. I waited for the fog to clear from the mirror, and for my face to materialize. I'm not quite sure whether I was surprised at my reflection or not.

Dark bags hung under my eyes, and my cheeks were grossly sunken in. My eyes seemed hollow, like my soul was violently ripped out of my body, and a dead blue iris was all I had left. I was so pale, like all of the blood was drained out of me. I looked dead.

I felt dead.

What did he do to me?

I stepped out of the bathroom, every step a struggle, and made it over to my bed. I laid gently on it, like I was afraid that I might break, and I shut my eyes. Blinding fury was bubbling in my veins, but I was too numb to let it consume me on the outside. I wanted to break something, burn something, or obliterate something.

But I didn't want that as much as I wanted the satisfaction of killing him.

Those giant bears and frilly necklaces weren't going to cut it anymore. This time, we were doing things my way, and nothing is going to stop me. No more compassion. No more mercy. No more forgiveness.

No more mates.

I opened my eyes and smiled cruelly up at the ceiling. "Karma's a bitch, my dear mate" I whispered. "And I'm Satan's offspring"

I was a rogue, and it was time to show everyone what that truly meant.

___

An urgent tapping on my balcony doors woke me up in the middle of the night, and I couldn't help the shiver of fear that started between my shoulder blades and slithered down my spine.

I got up slowly, silently, and crept towards the window. I grabbed my pocket knife from my bedside stand, clicking it open as I walked. The blinds were down over the balcony doors, so I had no way of knowing what was out there. I very gently laid my hand on the door handle, taking a deep breath. I counted to three in my head, than flung the doors open and sliced my blade in the air.

"Oh my god Farrah, why do you have a knife?!" I stopped my wild thrashing once I noticed Erik laying in a fetal position in front of me. I look deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart.