The Canvas

He's gone.
Gone. Forever.
After reading that dreadful text Luke sent me, I ran upstairs into my room. I slammed the door and ran into my room.
He's gone.
There were hot tears rushing down my face, my mind spiraling. I lift my hands and forcefully push them against my temples, attempting to push out the demons screaming inside me. my sobs got louder as my thoughts got deeper. I can't go back to it, even though he's gone, I can't go back. I run my hands through my hair pulling at it violently each time. my body soon starts to shake, my throat starts to burn. nobody else is home, I scream. With my eyes in a blur and my mind in a spiral, I get up and stumble across my bedroom floor walking towards my dresser. I was still violently crying as I found my little box. I sat back down on my bed my fingers fumbling across the edges of the box as I attempt to open it.
My blades are still there, after ten months of the box not being opened, my blades are still there.
I slowly pull the sleeves of my sweatshirt up as my heartbeat rapidly increases, and my hand shakes.
I attempt to calm myself down as I grab a blade out of the little box and gently kiss my wrist and my blade.
I gently drag the blade across my arm as a warming sense of comfort covers my mind.
It's the only pain I can control, the red lines puff up as little beads of blood show up everywhere on my what used to be clean skin. my mind becomes clearer with each drag across my arm. The tears stop falling as I drop my blade back into the box.
Soon after it had slipped my mind that I didn't keep tissues in my room anymore, I slowly get up and walk toward my bedroom door. I stumble downstairs and into the bathroom. my fingers fumble in the blood as I take my clothes off. I walk to the shower and turn it so the water will be hot.
I get into the shower and quickly sit down, I'm not washing my hair or face today, i don't care anymore.
My mind focuses on everything Luke and I have done in the past ten months while my eyes focus on the blood swimming down the drain.
Maybe he'll take me back... but not with my arms like this. Maybe he left because Kendra is prettier and has a larger cup size than me. I always made sure Luke was happy with me, I couldn't handle myself if he left me. My mind soon became a blur, I rested my head on the surprisingly cool shower tile and drifted into sleep.