Lost.

5.

KIM.

"Bryson, seriously, mind your business." I said, putting my hand up.

"Ain't nobody in yo business, Kim. I'm talking to my nigga and you over there ear hustlin' heavy." Bryson waved me off.

"Right." I sarcastically said as I walked out of Von's house and got in my car. Since I was being held against my will at his flat all yesterday, I decided to use today to handle everything—starting with Meq.

I don't know what the future holds for us and I wasn't going to try to force anything. I'm going to simply let shit play out today. If we end up together at the end of the day, we do. If we don't, we don't. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't feel just a little fucked up about it though.

I don't know what it is about Meq, I don't know what it is about our relationship—all I know is that I can't give up on him. He's all I know, he's all I want to know. If we break up, I promise I'm giving up on love.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and dialed Meq's number, as I drove away from my brother's house. I don't know what exactly I intend to say to this nigga because it's been a while since we've talked.

"Was hannin?" Meq asked through the phone.

"I'm on my way." I simply said.

"You had to dial a nigga up to say that?"

"Just makin sure you don't have company or whatever." I shrugged like he could see me already as I parked my car in front of his house.

"Who i'ma have over here?" Meq asked as he walked towards me, hanging up his phone in the process.

"I'on know." I looked him up and down, noticing how saucy he looked as he nodded his head.

I followed Meq into his house and immediately walked into his kitchen. It was hot out and I needed something cold in my system, especially for this intense conversation we're about to have.

"So listen, Meq. I-"

"Let me say some shit first, if you don't mind," Meq said, cutting me off as he waited for my approval to continue. I sat down and looked at him, giving him my undivided attention.

"I love you, Kim. That ain't an excuse for me to ever raise my hands to my woman, and that ain't me tryna justify da dumb shit a nigga did over our time together. I got a problem, mane. I apologize it took me this long to realize that shit. I know you tired of hearin' me apologize but I ain't gone ever stop. I wanna marry you when I get my shit together so we ain't ever gotta get divorced. You the woman I see myself havin' babies wit, Kimberly. You all I know, you taught me how to love. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know what that love shit even was. Dukes ain't never gave a fuck about a nigga and pops was always in a cell. I ain't never have nobody care about me forreal, so I'm still learnin' through our shit. You got a nigga over here cryin' and shit, yo humble ass," Meq paused as we both let out a light chuckle.

"All I can do now is be honest wit you, and let you take it from there. Whatever you wanna know."

I looked up at the ceiling as I fanned my eyes. Like I said before, I can't continue to let this man see me cry, especially today. I needed him to know that this conversation could turn out either way. If I started crying now, he'd think that I'm vulnerable.

I pulled myself together as I looked over at Meq. The love of my life, the guy I couldn't imagine my life without, and the guy that hurts me the most was one person. The one person I can't seem to shake.

"Did you fuck Kae?" I bluntly asked before I got into anything else.

"No. I ain't even came close to touchin' that girl." Meq said as he looked at me, trying to read my face.