Memories (BoyxBoy)

A Game Called Jealousy [Part Two]

May 30, 2009

Let me start by saying, this day can't get any weirder. At least I don't think so.

A blanket is thrown across the living room window to block out the sunlight while we watch movies. We're already halfway though Mean Girls, chosen by Jace and Zoe. It was beyond weird when they both reached for it, gushing about how funny it is. I swear there were flames in their eyes when they glared at each other. I'd really like to know why they hate one another so much. Despite the current tension, I think they could really get along under the right circumstances.

The four of us are huddled up together on the floor now, laying on our stomachs. Zoe and Charlie lay on the outer edges, while Jace and I lay in the middle. He's so close that our legs and arms keep brushing and the fact that all I can think to do is move closer and kiss him, keeps me with my head facing downward in resistance.

"Reach in front of him for some popcorn to get his attention, smile and then turn to me and be cute,"I hear Zoe whisper in my ear.

For someone so small and innocent looking, she's one hell of an evil mastermind. How does she know howto do all this? Actually, never mind, I'm not that curious...

I do what she says though, mostly because if I don't have some sort of direction given to me, I'll probably start to get unbearably anxious and will do something incredibly stupid and embarrassing. So, slowly and carefully, I lean forward reaching for the bowl of popcorn that is pushed in between Jace and Charlie, and purposefully let my left shoulder brush his chest. I feel him tense up slightly, but to my surprise, he then lightly leans into me. As I pull back, I do like Zoe said and look at him, smiling as friendly as I can, but my heart falters a little, because we're too close. We're almost nose to nose and I can see the surprise registering in his eyes as well, and surely my expression mirrors his.

Trying not to lose my ever-loving mind,or worse--jump Jace, I pull back and move back to my original position on the makeshift floor-bed. My face is indeed burning and must be redder than even humanely possible. I want to just strangle Zoe when I hear her barely holding back her snickers beside me.

Instead, I stupidly follow her instructions and lean in close to her and whisper, but do it loud enough so Jace can hear, "Care for some popcorn, Hun?"

Zoe thanks me and turns over on her back, opening her mouth as a silent way of asking me to feed her a piece. My heartaches because I know this is making Jace upset, I can feel him squirming beside me, and I just wish all this stupidity was over with so I can do this stuff with him. I know I'm new to all this, but I just get these oddly natural urges to do things with Jace, and no that doesn't mean sexual things. Cute things, sweet things, romantic things. Anything! I just want to hold and be held by him, but no!There has to be all these stupid complications and it's ridiculous.

I can feel myself begin to pout and really zone out. Zoe tries to make me smile and snap out of it, but soon realises it's pointless and just links her hand with mine and leaves me to work it out on my own. All these sad thoughts suddenly rush into my mind and begin attacking full force and I need time to sort them.

What if Jace doesn't care for me? What if he truly loves Charlie and I have to deal with them getting back together? What if he doesn't even care enough to come to the funeral with me? Will I be able to handle the funeral in general? What about my aunt? She wants to talk about living arrangements! Will she let me stay with Jace? Does she have a say? What will I do if I have to move? Will I cope without Jace and Zoe? What if I go back to how I was and try to kill myself again!?

Panic rises in my chest and I feel my heart pounding and my breathing becomes quick and unnatural.

"Kai? Are you okay?" I hear Jace and Zoe ask in unison.