Memories (BoyxBoy)

Welcome home

July 4, 2009

I knock on a pale green door with the number 142 on it and it seems like minutes before a soft voice calls me in. I gently push the door open and am immediately overwhelmed by the sadness and hopelessness mingling in the air, nearly suffocating me. The room is bland and there are no personal items laying around except for a small bear on the end of the bed which I assume is from Jared. The lights are off, and the only light source is the dim sunlight leaking in through a window next to the little bed. On said bed is the saddest girl I've ever laid my eyes on. My heart shatters, because I instantly see my old self in her.

She doesn't turn to look at me, just stays curled up on the bed, staring wistfully out the window. I take a moment to take in her appearance and can't believe she's related to Jared at all. Her skin is fair like that of a china doll's, her features soft and elegant with her pale pink lips and big doe eyes. Eyes that you can tell used to hold a lot of happiness and joy, but now seem glazed over and sad. Her hair is a pale blonde,soft and long, but at the moment is pulled up into a messy bun. I can tell by the length of her legs that she's probably tall, almost as tall as I, but not quite. Despite her unnatural beauty, I can see the sickness eating at her. The shadows under her eyes, the worry lines between her brows as though she's permanently thinking. Thinking too much. Thinking terrible things. Thinking about thinking too many terrible things. A vicious cycle I am familiar with.

She wears nothing but a pair of black leggings and a long, white, knit sweater, but despite the sweater and comfortable heat, I notice her rub at her arms as though she were cold. Though, I know that's not why she does it. I recognize the touch of self-hatred anywhere.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come in?" She says softly, but the monotonous sound in her voice breaks my heart just a little bit more.

I quickly shut the door and step forward awkwardly, stuffing my hands into my sweater pocket. "Uh..hi. I'm Kai, did your brother mention me?"

She doesn't answer right away and it seems like it's been minutes before she finally speaks, "Yeah, he said he asked you to come. Something about related problems or whatever. Didn't think you'd actually show up though. "

"Why wouldn't I come?" I ask curiously.

She meets my gaze for the first time since I entered and I can see the pain in her eyes clear as day and I feel my breathing stop when she speaks, "He can't even convince my parents to come see me, why would some stranger show up?"

I hold her gaze before I let out a sigh and step close enough to take a seat on the edge of her bed, "First, I'm sorry about your parents, I know what it's like to feel abandoned by people who are supposed to love you, trust me. As for why I'm here... I'm not really friends with Jared, I just... know him from school. He ran into me at the cafeteria and asked me to come talk to you, to... I don't know give you someone to talk to who understands? Someone to talk to in general? I don't know, but when he asked, I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to meet you. I don't make a habit of making nice with people because I'm really not a people person, but I felt compelled to come here. So here I am."

She eyes me wearily for a second and then averts her gaze to the window again, "There's nothing I want to talk about, even if there was, what makes you or my brother think you would understand at all? You're just some guy he knew who happened to come here probably visiting someone just as fucked up as me so he assumes you can help me because really he sucks at the whole comforting thing and you probably don't. Not to mention, if you have someone in here too, you won't be some rat who tells all his precious gang buddies about his fucked up sister because then he can rat you out, too. Everything's about image, right?"