Memories (BoyxBoy)

The Funeral and a Final Decision

[Play song before and after the flashback/italicized part]

June 8, 2009

I shove the front door of the funeral home open and storm out, chest heaving and hands shaking. Clenching and un-clenching in rage and sadness. Those good for nothing snobs could not be more disrespectful and ignorant. I hate them. I hate them so much I have to leave before I hurt one of them. As for Jace,words can't describe how much I'm aching just thinking about him.

"Kai! Where are you going!?"He yells as he chases me outside and across the street.

An angry growl comes from my throat as I turn on him. "Away from those selfish idiots I have to call family... and you."

He flinches and looks taken aback by my comment, but continues to chase after me as I storm down the street. I don't really know where I'm going, I'm mostly running on anger and adrenaline. Maybe I'll meet up with my dealer. A toke or two could be just what I need to calm down. Or maybe I can take the option of going and sitting in some lonely place with a bottle of vodka as my only friend. That sounds quite lovely actually.

"Kai, come on. We need to talk...about a lot of things," Jace says from beside me, but I pick up my pace and he has to jog to keep up. "You're mad at me, I get it! We have to sort these things out, though. Just... grow up and talk to me!"

I stop in my tracks and my head whips around to glare at Jace. "Grow up? Grow up!? Jace, I had to grow up a long time ago. I am not running from you and every one else because I'm mad, I am simply putting distance between me and the things that are hurting me, because I am doing what I've always done--taking care of myself. So, screw you if you think you can talk down to me like I'm some kid, because in case you haven't noticed, I'm not one. Although, that's pretty much all you see me as, right?"

His face screws up in confusion and frustration and I can tell he is about to argue, but another voice cuts him off.

"Jace!? Where are you guys going!?" That's Charlie.

Jace looks back at Charlie, and then tome, opening his mouth hopelessly trying to form words. I don't allow it though, I step back from him instead. It might be best if I just let him go now, let him get back to how he should be, with boys who can properly love him. Jace and I aren't meant to be, it just hurts too much. Everything gets complicated and I'm so scared I'm going to end up hurt. I will end up hurt. Every time I care for someone they hurt me. This is just me protecting myself and Jace from future pain.Right?

"Go back to Charlie," My voice trembles and my lip quivers, but my voice is stern and cold.

I can't explain it, but something inside of me breaks when I see the pain in his eyes when he realises what I mean. To fully go back to Charlie and be with him; in a relationship. Charlie can give him a lot more than I can. Jace deserves better than me. I'm nothing, just a worthless mess of a person.

"No! Kai, please just talk to me.We'll work everything out, okay?" He pleas. "Kai, I want you and only you."

Tears fill my sore and already puffy eyes. "I need to go."

With that, I leave him just as Charlie walks up and I finally let my tears fall as I turn a corner and run hard as I can down the pavement. I don't know what I'm doing,maybe I believe if I run fast enough, i'll outrun the pain and be able to leave it behind. I almost laugh at the thought. There's no running from this, just enduring.

~The previous week~

Jace pulls back and I look up into his big, bright blue eyes and let myself get lost in them as I reach a hand up and grab him by the collar of his shirt to pull him right back and crash our lips together. The feel of his soft, smooth lips moving skillfully with my own. The heat that ignites inside me every time we touch is overwhelming in the best way. I shiver and feel my body melt into his, wanting more from him.