Memories (BoyxBoy)

Second Chances

June 23, 2009

The next day I wake to find Jace still curled up next to me. I can't help but smile as I raise a weak hand and brush his hair out of his eyes to get a better look at his face.Many people look funny or unattractive when they sleep, but Jace just looks so... peaceful and beautiful. It kills me that I'm not ready to call him mine yet. I want to so badly, but I'm not mentally ready fora relationship and it would be unfair to him. I will be ready one day though, I just pray he can wait.

"I love you," Jace whispers as he closes his eyes and pulls me close.

The memory warms me to the core and I can feel a small smile form on my lips. Guilt eats me up for not being able to say it in return, but he understands, I know he does. That's why he said it was okay that I didn't say it back right then. I can't love him properly, but I can at least still show him that my feelings go further than friendship while I'm trying to heal.

I lean down and lay a gentle kiss on his forehead before giving his shoulder a light shake, making him jump awake. He sits up and looks over at me groggily before smiling and rubbing at his eyes. I can't help but smile at how cute he looks with his heavy eyes, bed head and his shirt that's ridden up to reveal a little bit of of his flat and firm stomach as he stretches.

"Morning," My voice is still weak and kind of croaky.

Jace just smiles and takes my hand in his, "Morning sunshine, how are you feeling today?"

I shrug, "Like I've slept for a year. It feels good to not be all zombified."

We both laugh at that and Jace gives me a quick peck on the cheek before leaving for the cafeteria to get us breakfast when he hears the vicious growling from my stomach. When was the last time I ate? Even before the incident I can't remember my last meal. Damn, I really need to get that under control. If I'm going to try and get better I need to eat properly too, to get both mentally and physically strong.

I sigh and ignore the little voice that tells me I don't want to eat as I sit up to stretch a little. I wonder how long I'm going to have to stay here. Surely they'll just prescribe some anti-depressant and send me off. At least, that's what I'm hoping. I just want to return to normal. A normal life spent by Jace's side would be all I could ever need to get better.

The door creaks open, pulling me from my thoughts and has me happy as I expect Jace to come through with our food, but my heart drops at the sight of who comes through instead.

"Charlie?" I hear my voice croak.

He looks so uncomfortable; feet shuffling, pink cheeks, twiddling thumbs, eyes glued to the floor until they finally lift to meet mine.

"Uh, yeah. I'm not supposed to be here, but I wanted to see how you were doing," He looks so earnest and sad.

Ugh, damn my inability to be a dick. I sigh and lean back, patting the spot on the bed next to me, signalling for him to come join me and talk. He hesitates for a moment before shuffling over and taking a seat. After that it goes silent and we just awkwardly sit there for a while before he finally thinks of something to say.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry,"He begins, raising a hand to silence me when I go to speak. "No,I need to say this. Kai, I've known Jace for some time now and have been through a lot with him and because of him. When he came back, I wanted nothing more than to have him back, thinking that's where he belonged. I went so far as to try and scare you off and I even went so far as to show up at that funeral and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry because I see now that Jace isn't mine anymore. He doesn't belong with me Kai, because he belongs with you. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused and I'm sorry that all of it resulted in you ending up here. Whether you blame me or not, I feel responsible and I'm sorry. Neither of you will hear from me again, I promise."