Okay, Cupcake

Chapter One

Have you ever felt like you just want to give up and leave the world? No? Well I have but I didn't end myself because I feel that everyone is alive for a reason. Everybody has a destiny and everybody has something to live for. Even though I have not found something to make living worth living I know that out there somebody needs me and I need them. And until I find them I will continue fighting. Fighting my urges to kill myself , fighting the pain from the abuse, fighting to find them. Even though I might die trying to escape as soon as I turn eighteen I'm leaving. I'm changing my name , moving away , and NEVER ever getting involved with another gang ever again.
"YOU USELESS WHORE WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING FOOD YOU FUCKING CUNT!" and the devil calls. I grab my bookbag and jump out my bedroom window knowing that I will get a beating either way and I should just leave and get a one later instead of two , one now and one later. I rush to catch the bus and sit down at the back. 

Nobody tries to talk to me since I am classified as the "loner" or in less nice words the "freak". No I'm not a nerd like those cliche stories. People don't avoid me because I'm ugly or weird. I actually get a lot of compliments on my looks, but I just don't want friends they only make life more complicated and are never there for you in the long run. Even if they are there for you they will still somehow end up hurting you and I would just like to avoid getting hurt worse than I already am.
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"Miss Remi may I ask you why you have a giant bruise on your eye again." Mrs. Clare asks.

"I ran into a .............. WALL .... ya I run into a wall" I answer as soon as she asks... Maybe too soon?

"Do I have anything to be concerned about? This is the fifth time this year you have come into school with a bruise on your face and school only started last month, should I call you dad?" She says voice full of concern but as soon as she says those last few words I jump out of my seat.

"NO!"

"I mean umm no their is no need to call him I just ran into another wall , I'm very clumsy. " I say hoping she will believe me , she just sucks her lips into a thin line.

"See me after class miss Remington." She says more softly making me scared that she will figure everything out. But not scared for my own safety , scared for hers.

As the end of class nears I begin to get more anxious. If she tries to help she will just make it worse , not like it can get any worse. I need to think of a good excuse.

As the bell goes off it knocks me out of my trance and makes me really wish I killed myself but I won't , I can't there is somebody I need , somebody that needs me. It might seem funny to believe this, but what's the point of living if there isn't somebody made specifically for you?

"Miss Remi are you there?" She says making my heart jump for the conversation that is to come.

"Yeah sorry just ... Zoned out for a little." I say only half lying praying she won't question me anymore about my bruises.
"I am sorry for calling you out during class , but will you please tell me who is giving you those bruises." My heart starts racing hoping she will believe what I say next.

"Nobody , I'm just very clumsy." I say lying straight through my teeth.

"Let me tell you a story, when I was little my parents would abuse me. It went on for years , it started at just saying rude things then it progressed to yelling and finally it got to abusing. Then one night they told me that they sold me and for me to pack my bags because I would be leaving later . I did what they said and packed my bags but I didn't wait until the next day , I left that night when they were asleep. I ran to the police station and told them everything. They helped me through it and I am still to this day so grateful that I decided to tell somebody." After she says her story she is on the verge of tears.