Darkest Desire

Chapter 14

It's been a few weeks since Paul found out. He hasn't accepted it and he still hasn't spoken to Glaiza but he's beginning to adapt. He knows some nights I leave without explanation, only to come back a few hours later, where I've been. He doesn't ask.

As far as things with Glaiza, I'm the one doing the adapting. I've had to adapt to her rules, because there's no way Glaiza is adapting to breaking them. I've learned to stop trying to figure her out and to stop allowing things to get so tense between us. We're doing exactly what we agreed to do in the beginning, which was to have sex.

A lot of sex.

Shower sex. Bedroom sex. Floor sex.Kitchen-table sex.

I've still never spent the night with her and it still hurts sometimes how closed off she becomes right after it's over but I still haven't figured out a way to say no to her.

I know I want so much more than what she's giving me and she wants so much less than what I want to give her but we're both just taking what we can get for now. I try not to think about what will happen the day Ican't handle it anymore. I try not to think about all the other things I'm sacrificing by still being involved with her.

I try not to think about it at all but thethoughts still come. Every night, when I'm in bed, I think aboutit. Everytime I'm in the shower, I think about it. When I'm in the living room, in the kitchen, at work. I think about what's going to happen when one of us finally comes to our senses.

"Is Rhian a nickname for something else?" Glaiza asked me.

We're in her bed. She just got home from four days at work and even though our arrangement is supposed to be all about sex, we're still fully dressed. We're not making out. She's just lying with me, asking me personal questions about my name and I love it somuch more than any other day we've ever spent together.

It's the first time she's ever asked me a semi-personal question. I hate that her question fills me with all these feelings of hope and all she did was ask me if Rhian was a nickname.

"Rhian is my first name." Isaid. "It was my grandmother's maiden name."

"What's your middle name?"

"Denise."

"Rhian Denise Howell." She said, making love to my name with her voice. My name has never sounded as beautiful as it did just now,coming out of her mouth.

Glaiza rose onto her elbow and looked down at me with a peaceful expression. She brushed my hair behind my ear as her eyes roamed over my face. "Anything interesting happen this week while I was working, Rhian Denise Howell?" There's a playfulness in her voice. One that I'm not familiar with, but I like it. I like it alot.

"Not really, Glaiza Galura." I said, smiling. "I worked a lot of overtime."

"Do you still like your job?" Her fingers are touching my face, sliding across my lips, trailing down my neck.

"I do like it." I said. "Do you like being a captain?" I just throw versions of her own questions back at her. I figured it's safe that way, because I know she'll only give what she's willing to take.

Glaiza followed her hand with her eyes as she unbuttoned the top button of my shirt. "I love my job, Rhi." Her fingers worked on the second button of my shirt. "I justdon't like being gone so much. It makes me want tobe home all the time."

I tried to contain it, but I can't. Her words made me gasp, even though it was probably the quietest gasp to ever pass anyone's lips.

But she noticed.

Her eyes met mine in a flash and I can see her wanting to backpedal. She wanted to take back what she just said becauset here was hope in those words. Glaiza doesn't say things like that. I know she's about to apologize. She's going to remind me that she can't love me that she didn't mean to give me that inkling of false hope.