Darkest Desire

Chapter 16

Six years earlier

Rule number one of no fooling around while our parents are home has been amended.

It now consists of making out but only when we're behind a locked door.

Rule number two stands firm, unfortunately. Still no sex.

And a rule number three was recently added: no sneaking around at night. Lisa still checks on Solenn in the middle of the night sometimes, only because Lisa is the mother of a teenage daughter and it's the right thing to do.

But I hate that she does it.

We've made it an entire month in the same house. We don't talk about the fact that there are just a little more than five months left. We don't talk about what will happen when my father marries her mother. We don't talk about the fact that when this happens, we'll be connected for much longer than five months.

Holidays.

Weekend visits.

Reunions.

We'll both have to attend every function, but we'll be attending as family. We don't talk about that because it makes us feel like what we're doing is wrong. We also don't talk about it because it's hard. When I think about the day she moves to Michigan and I stay in San Francisco, I can't see beyond that. I can't see anything where she won't be my everything.

"We'll be back Sunday." He said.

"You'll have the house to yourself. Solenn is staying with a friend. You should invite Nico over."

"I did." I lied.

Solenn lied, too. Solenn will be here all weekend.

We don't want to give them any reason to suspect us.

It's hard enough trying to ignore her in front of them. It's hard pretending I have nothing in common with her, when I want to laugh at everything she says. I want to high-five everything she does. I want to brag to my father about her intelligence, her good grades, her kindness, her quick-wittedness. I want to tell him I have this really amazing girlfriend whom I want him to meet because hwould absolutely love her.

He does love her. Just not in the way I wish he loved her.

I want him to love her for me.

We told our parents good-bye. Lisa told Solenn to behave, but Lisa isn't really worried. As far as Lisa knows, Solenn is good.

Solenn behaves. Solenn doesn't break rules.

Except rule number three. Solenn is definitely breaking rule number three this weekend.

We play house.

We pretend it's ours. We pretend it's our kitchen and she cooks for me. I pretend she's mine and I follow her around while she cooks, holding on to her. Touching her. Kissing her neck. Pulling her away from the tasks she's trying to complete so I can feel her against me.

She likes it, but she pretends not to.

When we're finished eating, she sits with me on the couch. We put on a movie but it doesn't get watched at all. We can't stop kissing. We kiss so much our lips hurt. Our hands hurt. Our stomachs hurt, because our bodies want to break rule number two so, so bad.

It's gonna be a long weekend.

I decided I need a shower or I'll be begging for an amendment to rule number two.