After We Happened

IV. Everything

Kabanata 4

Everything.

Minamasdan ko ang paglubog ng araw. I've always loved watching sunsets, especially when I'm in beaches.

Its reflection in the oceans and seas, it's mesmerizing and amazing.

I am wearing my red two piece. Nakalatag ang sarong sa buhanginan na siyang inuupuan ko. Ini-alis ko ang shades ko at niyakap ko ang tuhod ko.

Pumikit ako at dinama ang bawat mariin na pagtama ng hangin sa aking mukha at katawan.

Naramdaman kong may yumakap sa akin mula sa likod.

He really loves back hugs, sabi niya it's much better that way. It's like we are somehow connected. At isa iyong bagay na nagsasabing ako ay sa kanya lamang—that's what he would always explain.

But I never liked them. Nagugulat kasi ako everytime na yayakapin niya ako mula sa likuran at hindi malakas ang puso ko pagdating sa mga ganyang bagay. Nerbyosa ako masyado.

My heart's too weak.

But because of him, I have loved every part of it.

It was one of my fondest memories of me with him. It was one of the things that would always make me remember of him. Parang automatic na, na kapag may yumakap sa akin mula sa likuran... ay siya 'yon.

The way his skin touches mine, the way his breath on my neck feels.

"I love you..." he whispered. Hindi ako sumagot dahil hindi ako mahilig magsabi ng ganoon at maging pabalik sa kanya. He knew that. Right from the very start, he was always the sweeter one. Ganoon naman talaga dapat, hindi ba?

Kinalas niya ang pagkaka-yakap niya sa akin at tumabi na siya sa akin.

"Saan mo gusto mag-honeymoon?"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin, ang lakas talaga mang-asar nito. Plus, sobrang random lang nung topic namin.

"Darling ha! Ikaw! Dumali ka nanaman!" sabay hampas ko sa braso niya.

"Oh!" he said crossing his arms. Umilag din siya sa mga hampas ko. "Chill! Pinagpaplanuhan naman talaga 'yun, Daffney ah! Tss!" aniya.

Tumikhim ako. "Hmm..." I then started to think, saan ko nga ba gusto? "I've always wanted to go to Amsterdam."

It has always been my dream to go there. I even want to live there. If ever he'll agree. It was my dream place since I was a kid. Yeah, we've got the money, but I never got the chance to go there dahil wala naman akong makakasama.

He smiled. "Then, Amsterdam it is."

Sa sobrang saya ko at tuwa ay hindi ko na napigilang yakapin siya. He kissed me on my forehead. "Anything that would make you happy, Daffney."

Matapos akong maghilamos ay nag-toothbrush ako at agad-agad kong binuksan ang pintuan.

Bumungad sa akin si kuya Daffin and tell you what, he isn't happy na ako ang nagbukas at bumungad sa kanya sa pintuan.

"Kakain na," iyon lamang ang tanging sinabi niya. Tinalikuran niya na kaagad ako at naglakad na ulit siya patungo sa isang cottage kung nasaan silang lahat at mukhang nagkakasiyahan.

Pumunta na rin ako doon dahil gutom na rin ako. Tanging beer lamang ang naging laman ng tiyan ko simula kagabi pa.

I was suddenly shocked nang makita ko kung sinong mga nandoon. Ang barkada. Gion, Christian, Isaac, Chan and Leo are present. I only saw Chan last night. I never expected to see them here. I suddenly felt a little happiness building up inside me.

I know someone is missing. Don't even bother asking where the hell he is.

Dahil hindi ko rin alam.

Kross' still here and some friends nila ni kuya Darry. Nagkakatuwaan sila sa kabilang cottage. He winked at me when he saw me. Inirapan ko lamang siya dahil nangaasar nanaman ang kumag.

Natigil ang halos lahat sa pagtatawanan dahil sa pagdating ko. Attention catcher ba talaga ako?

"Daffney!" sigaw ni Isaac sabay takbo papunta sa akin. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit. Bahagya naman akong nagulat sa ginawa niya. "I miss you!" masayang sabi niya sabay kalas sa pagkakayakap sa akin.

Isaac's still the same, naiba na nga lang ang hairstyle niya at mas gumanda na ang hubog ng katawan niya ngayon.

"Nothing changed, huh?" I teased.

"Ikaw lang naman ang nagbago dito," pabulong na sabi ni kuya Daffin na halatang ipinaririnig niya naman sa akin.

Napatingin ang lahat kay kuya. I think it wasn't really meant to be whispered, it was meant to be heard by everyone. Nginitian ko na lamang sila isa-isa para hindi na maging akward pa.

That was one thing that I mastered in a span of four years... faking a smile.

"Kain ka na, Daff!" yaya sa akin ni Lincoln. He's taller and manlier. Balita ko rin ay marami itong babae sa ngayon. Isa na kasi siyang model ng isa sa sikat na clothing line sa Pilipinas. Lincoln was different from all of my cousins, siya lang ang matino at loyal sa mga pinsan ko. Kaya nag-tataka ako, ano ang nangyari? Bakit biglang naging katulad na rin siya nila?

"I've heard big time ka na ah!" I teased him.

"As if you're not!" pabalik na sabi niya sa akin.

I chuckled. "Ikaw naman maraming lovelife. What about me? Wala..."

He frowned at that. "You should really find someone new, Daffney. I've heard marami kang suitors pero ikaw naman daw ay hindi nang-eentertain," he whispered, dahil baka madinig ng iba.

I answered him with a smile. He was right, I should really find someone new.

"Move on."

If only I could I would have done that four years ago.

* * *

"Daff! Sali ka! Come on!" Tori called out. Nagyaya kasi silang mag-swimming, pero I'm not really in the mood. Ang aga-aga pa kaya.

Tumayo na ako at sumama sa kanila. Ako naman kasi ang nawala hindi sila. Ako naman kasi 'yung kailangang bumawi. I was the one who needed to catch up four freaking years.

As expected, nandoon lahat ng barkada at mga pinsan ko. "Bulok mo talagang mag-swimming!" pangaasar ni Gion kay Christian. Napatawa naman ako dahil hindi nga talaga siya maalam lumangoy. Goodness!

"Teach me, guys!" ani Christian.

"Well, Darlin has always been the one whose good at that thing."

Fuck.

I blurted it out of nowhere. Shit. Saan galing 'yun, Daff? Lahat sila ay natigilan sa pagtatampisaw at kasiyahan nila dahil sa sinabi ko.

Tiningnan nila akong lahat nang masama. What the hell, Daffney? Why did you even say that? Why would you even say that?

I don't know. It's just that in every place I go, I would always remember him.

Because since I was seventeen, he has been everything that mattered to me and that's what was wrong with me. That was where something went wrong. He mattered to me more than I mattered to myself.

"Uhm... paunahan doon! Woo!" Terrence broke the silence. Isa-isa naman silang lumubog na para bang naapektuhan talaga sila sa sinabi ko.

Lumubog na rin ako sa sobrang hiya. Gosh! Pwede bang lamunin na lang ako ng tubig? Pwede bang kainin na lang ako ng bermuda triangle?