Jesse

7: A Price Paid in Blood

7: A Price Paid in Blood

The glinting reflection of my eyes. My bloody, purple-ringed eyes. They belonged to a stranger's face. A face I no longer recognized. My eyes betrayed me. The "me" that only the world knew.

I was staring into my bathroom's mirror, again. I didn't sleep at all last night. I kept thinking about Ian. I simply just couldn't get him out of my head.

I was stalling. I knew what I had to do today. But I knew everything within me would go against it. I would talk myself out of it in a heartbeat.

Who was Jesse anymore? It wasn't what I saw in the mirror; I knew that much. Sighing, I left the bathroom, giving up. I had to go to school.

Outside, I walked in the gray morning light, my hands pocketed, thinking. I didn't even bother glancing toward Ian's house today. He would not be there waiting on me.

I continued to walk in the silence that was killing me. I wanted to scream.

At the bus stop, I waited, closing my eyes. I felt the blood thud behind my hearts. The sweat trickle. The big, yellow bus finally drove into view, and came to a braking halt, Ms. Lira throwing open the double doors. I sucked in a deep breath.

The day passed. Like any other.

That afternoon, the bus stopped, and opened its doors again. I stepped off. School was over.

I hadn't spoken to Ian at all. That was how much of a coward I was.

Usually, the bus stop was deserted. Today it wasn't. My eyes widened, and I saw it was them. All three of them. I hadn't expected them so soon. They had come looking after me, when things were this bad. I hadn't visited Black Swann in awhile. I didn't have the money to buy anything off of him recently. My mind wasn't really on distributing drugs for him at the moment. And I didn't have time to deal with the Drop Outs' shit.

But they were here for me. I was trapped. I had no fucking way out, this time. The Drop Outs. The Junkies. The Skag-heads. The Brotherhood. All three of them dropped out of school, go figure. And all three of them I dealt marijuana, ice, speed, what have you, to. There was the oldest Ricky; but he went by Ty for some reason; I think it was his middle name or something like that. And he was twenty-one. Then there was his brother, well half-brother. James. He went by J. Just J. He was twenty. And then there was the next youngest, Seth, who was my age.

They were all neighbors, and lived a few houses down from me. There were three more, but they weren't here. Joann, Ty's girlfriend. She was as pretty as a girl could get. But an addiction to crack had taken its toll, you could easily tell. Weight loss. Thinner hair. Years of cigarettes left her teeth stained yellow. Always so damn irritable. Well except when she was high. Farrell, who went by Fay, J's girlfriend, and Tommy, who went by Tom Boy, who was Seth's younger brother. Sixteen, still in school. But just as much as a druggy as any of them.

I didn't consider any of them as my friends. They were only customers. Walking dollar bills with mouths. I learned quickly from Black Swann no one is your friend in the drug business. One moment you're best of buds. Then the next, one of you is dead, bleeding on the floor, the other running with the cash in the opposite direction. Happened to Black Swann's brother Jacob, with a deal that went really wrong. It was Ty who had brought me to him first. Mostly out of desperation. He said Black Swann was looking for someone. And I somehow fit the bill.

He asked me if I knew what I was getting myself into. I never actually saw Black Swann's eyes. He always wore sunglasses. Always wore black too, of course. Black tank top. Blank pants. Black shoes. Black sunglasses. He always carried a silver gun, tucked into his belt too.