Jesse

26: Chaos

Ian Greene

26: Chaos

…

            "Jena, we've got to talk," I managed to finally say, when we reached her doorstep. I had been repeating the conversation over and over for the entire ride to her house, from the game. We hadn't spoken much all night; but this was our relationship now.

            All I could think of was Jesse. It was torture. So I had to end it. The whole thing had gone on for long enough. The charade needed to stop. We weren't fooling anyone. And Jena was beginning to see this; I picked up from her ways now, being even more snappy, and argumentative about everything.

            I had to do this for Jesse. There was no way around it anymore. I was so happy he had came to the game; I glanced up a few times, when I could and I saw him first sitting alone, then with that Emily girl. At least he wasn't by himself up there. He had somebody to talk to, and enjoy the game with. Everyone had told me what a great job I had done with all the touchdowns, and kept praising me, and all, but really, I was just lucky.

            I had been in the right places at the right times. That was all. There was nothing else to it. I liked to not have scored the final touchdown. But I had; and I couldn't have felt any happier, and relieved. But now football, my parents, the game, everything was worlds away. Now it was just Jena and I. And what needed to be said.

            "I know what you're going to say," she groaned. "Don't waste your breath…You want to dump me right?—Right?"

            "Jena," I said with a sigh. "I don't know how to put this…You're really nice, and all…It's just…I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm sorry."

            I saw the tears begin to well within her eyes, the shadows waver across her solemn face. "I know," she muttered. "It's okay…Just go…"

            "Thanks, Jena," I said. "For understanding."

            She just shook her head, biting her lip. "Go," she whispered, her voice broken.

            I nodded. "Goodbye…It was a nice night."

            "Yeah," she said, curtly. "Thanks, Ian. Bye."

            I turned around, heading to my truck thinking of Jesse. I was really worried about him; the relief of breaking up with Jena didn't last long: my mind was going a mile a minute. I had wanted to see and talk to Jesse after the game, but he was gone. I had caught Emily and asked her, she said he left early, all mad—didn't say where he was going, just that he was leaving. I gave her a complete confused look, and I could see she was worried, but in her eyes, she was curious too. I felt that she was about to say something, but Jena had called me, and I had to go. When I looked back, Emily was no longer standing there, but somewhere lost in the moving crowd.

            After getting into my truck, and cranking it, I backed out of Jena's driveway thinking. Where would Jesse have gone? And why was he mad? None of this made any sense.

            Where would I go, if I was Jesse?

            I had a hunch.

            …

            When I pulled into my driveway, headlights glaring, it was pitch black outside. I couldn't tell if Jesse was home or not. Nervous, I got out, and rapidly scanned Jesse's front lawn. Seeing the outline of the car, and another truck, made me feel better, but I still couldn't make out anything along the roof. The moon and stars were covered with dark, spreading clouds.

            I sprinted, and when I got closer to his house, I saw a flickering, small glowing of a cigarette, and I sighed. Running around the house, I climbed onto the air condition, scaled the side of the house, onto the roof. Jesse was sitting there, hunched over, no longer smoking, clutching his sides with his arms. Was he shaking? What the hell was wrong?

            "Thought I might find you here," I said, trying to lighten the mood, as I approached him.

            He cast me a glowering look, and quickly stood to his feet, moving swiftly. "Why don't you go back to Jena's? Huh? Isn't she your girlfriend? Your date to homecoming?"

            Jesse didn't even give me time to explain, and hopped skillfully over the roof, disappearing into the dark. "Jesse!" I called after him. "Come here—we've got to talk." Angrily, I followed him, huffing.

            I jumped back onto the ground, Jesse I saw standing a distance away, his back to me. "Jesse," I said again.

            He turned around, looking at me, glaring. "I don't want to talk to you Ian…Go away."

            "What the hell is wrong with you?" I cried, lumbering toward him, fuming.

            We were face to face now: his eyes stabbing into mine, with an indescribable hurt. "You! You're my problem, Ian…"

            "Me? What did I do?"

            "You lied to me," he said, and I blinked, confused, stuttering, baffled.

            "What—I—I lied? What did I lie about?"

            "About Jena!" Jesse claimed heatedly. "You said you broke up with her! And she was your date!? I've had it…I know…I know now…I'm the fucking problem! Stay away from me!"

            "I—I—I'm sorry Jesse, but that's why I came to—"

            "I don't want to hear it, Ian," Jesse spat. "Sorry's not good enough…You're ashamed of the way you are! And you're ashamed of me!! Well, let me tell you this…You're nothing but a cock-sucking fagot! JUST LIKE ME!!! You think you have them all fooled! Well, you're wrong!! You'll always be like you are…A leopard can never change its spots…You think about that, Ian! I've had it!"

            There was a flash of wild movement, and Jesse flung a balled fist at me, colliding hard into jaw, crackling. The force knocked me back, and I felt blood trickle from my lip, and held my mouth bent over, glaring at him. Jesse was looking at me horrified, scared out of his mind: like he just realized what he had done. I wanted to punch the hell out of him, but…I couldn't. I couldn't hurt Jesse.

            Breathing heavily, I approached him, and said, "You know what Jesse?"

            He only glared like I did, saying nothing.

            "You know why I came? Well, I'll tell you—I was about to tell you I broke up with Jena; I came looking for you, because I was worried…But now I realized…I've been wasting my time…Enjoy your time alone, because I won't bother you anymore."

            I shook my head, astonished, and spun about, leaving Jesse in the dark, alone. No comforting this time. This time it was over. And for good. I didn't give a fuck about him. Or fucking anything! I hardly ever cried in my life, but that time, it was all I could but hold back the tears. I was just completely tired of this…I was tired of everything. Especially Jesse.