Out Running the Alpha

Unavoidable Loss

Over the next month, I helped Fitz prepare for battle. Since they now knew that they were going to be facing off against not only vampires but rouges as well their strategy had changed. Fitz had recruited a number of smaller local packs to his cause as well as having blades with a silver-edged sword that were then doused in holy water as to be doubly effective. I had tried my best to guard my heart against Fitz as we worked together side by side because I knew that when he left to fight Mason there was no guarantee he would return. Despite this though I found myself falling for him a little bit every day. I didn't even realize how deeply I cared for him until the night before he left. 

It wasn't any big grand gesture of affection that did it for me. In fact since our conversation the night I had told him about the rouges he hadn't shown anything more than friendliness and gentle affection towards me. It was the way that he included me in his war counsels and ask for my opinion. It was the way we could talk endlessly never running out of laughs or things to say. It was the way he treated his people with firmness, but as well as respect and loyalty. It was the way he had taken in the children of those who had joined his cause and didn't have anywhere else to go. I knew the moment I saw Fitz taking the time to play a game of tag with a group of children just to take their mind off of things that I was a goner. He had managed to win my heart without even trying.

The rain beat against the window and the wind howled outside mirroring my despair as I went to Fitz's room to say goodbye to him before he left. After everything that had happened, I had managed to find one of the most truly decent men I had ever met and now he was slipping through my fingers. I knocked gently on his door as my heart pounded in my chest. I had no idea what I was going to say to him only that I couldn't let him leave without telling him how I felt.

Fitz opened the door his golden hair tousled and damp dressed only in pajama bottoms revealing his chiseled chest. I swallowed hard as he grinned sheepishly. "Sorry I just got out of the shower and was expecting Alston," he said gesturing me in. I breathed a sigh of relief as he grabbed a shirt. I doubted I would have been able to string together a coherent sentence if he hadn't. 

"I can go if you're busy," I said softly.

"No," Fitz said quickly "Besides I wanted do see you before we leave early tomorrow."

"Please promise me you'll come back," I said my voice thick with emotion.

"Of course I will. I still have to take you on our first date" he winked and I flushed.

"I'm serious," I said punching him lightly in the arm. I loved how in a moment when I wanted to cry he could still make me smile.

"I know," he said wrapping his warm arms around me and pulling me close.

"I don't know what I would do if you didn't come back," I said my voice breaking slightly as I pulled away slightly so I could look up at him. "I came here to say goodbye, but also I realized that I couldn't live with myself If I didn't tell you..."

"I know" Fitz smiled sadly gently wiping a tear away that had slid down my cheek.

"You know?" I asked incredulously.

"I know because I feel the same way" Fitz laughed. "Believe me I tried my damnedest not too, but I couldn't help myself. Every day though I fell a little bit more for you. Watching you get along with the rest of my pack and befriend Alston. Realizing how brilliant you are and watching you not take any shit in the war council. Do you remember last week when you took some of the children out to make flower crowns? That was the moment I knew that you were it for me. With the way the sunlight hit your hair with those children looking adoringly at you I swear for a moment I believed that you were an angel. I knew then that there was no force in heaven or hell that would prevent me from coming back to you."

I leaned up on my tiptoe and pressed my lips softly against his. He lifted me up spinning me around. I laughed protesting, but secretly I never wanted him to put me down. When he finally set me down I leaned against him. We stood there for a moment relishing just being near each other. 

Finally, Fitz stepped back sighing ."You should go" he said sadly. I winced hurt by the rejection after I thought we had had a moment together. "Believe me it's not that I don't want you to stay, but if you do I don't think I would be able to control myself" he growled throatily. 

"Maybe that wouldn't be so bad" I grinned mischievously.

Fitz shook his head exasperated. "As much as I would love that, and believe me I would, you deserve better than that. But trust me when I come back and this is all over I am going to spend every day trying to be a man worthy of you" he bent down brushing his lips against mine. 

"Just know that if you don't come back I'm going to kill you" I sighed kissing him on the cheek and heading back to my room my heart heavy in my chest. I had never felt so simultaneously elated and devastated. I'd finally found a truly nice guy and now I might lose him.

That night I tried my best to sleep, but even after the sleep aids, I couldn't rest easy. I felt like I was going to cry, but doing that felt like an admission that I would lose Fitz before he was mine.  It was well into the early hours of the morning when I finally abandoned my attempt at sleep I decided to dig out Antoinette's diary that had laid forgotten for the most part since my arrival. I hadn't wanted Antoinette's feelings to influence my own, but if there was a chance that I could find out something about myself that could help Fitz now I had to try. 

I flipped through the diary praying to find something relating to my powers or how I was able to beat Bastien. Frustrated and heartbroken I through the diary against the wall. I found it hard to imagine that Antoinette was a previous version of me. She seemed like such a silly girl and was definitely no match for Mason. I just hoped that we were different enough that I would be able to prevail where she had failed. 

I crossed my legs closing my eyes. If Fitz wouldn't let me help fight than the least I could do would be tried to see if I could glimpse anything in the future that might help. Since my vision about my brother fighting alongside Mason, I'd tried several times to get another vision without success. 

I let my mind drift to the place I'd come to associate with my visions. I was surprised when instead of finding myself in a vision of the future I was faced a dour-looking woman in an old fashioned elaborate gown. "Catherine," I asked tentatively. 

"Good you actually have some semblance of intelligence this time around. You'll need it because this is the last time around. If you die this time you de for good" She said simply.

"And how exactly do I do that?"  I asked.

Catherine raised an eyebrow "Haven't you figured it out yet? Your powers are triggered by loss. You won't be able to defeat Mason until you've lost everything".

Authors Note: Hey guys thanks so much for your continued readership!!!! Shout outs to @mariale821, @JuaGail, and @scardin. I appreciate you're feedback so much and I love hearing from you