Orbiting The Moon [Snowbarry]

~7~

"That physical feeling of extreme pain; like you just got a bullet, shot into your chest, when you lose someone you love."

"Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin you okay?" I hear Cisco say, "did you hear what I said?" He voice sounds distant like I'm underwater. "Caitlin, Caitlin." I feel Cisco shaking me lightly. My vision is blurry so I can't really see anything. "Caitlin can you hear me?" I nod weakly, as my hearing comes back. "Caitlin, I'm so sorry, we can't find him, we can't find Barry." I nod, I hear Cisco mumble something about finding Iris.

A solemn tear falls down my cheek; my body looks calm compared to how tangled my mind is. I wipe away my tear and try to clear my head.

"Cisco, I need to be alone." I whisper, he nods and walks away.

I feel numb. I feel like I'm floating and drowning at the same time.

We can't find Barry. We don't know if he's alive or dead. We don't know if he's hurt. We don't know if he's safe. The thought of him being dead terrifies me.

The room starts to spin and my vision blurs. I grab onto the edge of the table and try to make the room stop spinning.

Once it does I walk out of the cortex. Tears escape my eyes. I continue to walk, I exit STAR Labs and walk down the street. People stare at me as I walk. I probably look crazy considering I'm crying a lot.

I make it to my apartment, I fumble with the keys to the door. I eventually get my apartment door open, I close it behind me. I put my keys down and walk into my bathroom. 

A sob escapes me, I cover my face with shaking hands as I fall to the floor. Complete hopelessness converts itself into tears that rain down my face at lightning speed.

I try to be as quiet as I can, I pull my knees up to my chest. Why am I such a mess? Why do I care so much about people, sometimes even more than I care about myself.

I wish this would all go away. I wish that this is just a dream and tomorrow I'll walk back into work and he will be there; Barry, our Barry. I don't feel whole without him, even him just as a friend. A confidant, someone I can trust.

I take my phone out of my pocket and call my emergency contact. As I expect they don't answer, it goes to voicemail.

"Hi, I just wanted to call you, maybe I thought it would help... I don't know. I-I just wanted to say that, that I m-miss you and I want you to come home. Please come home please." I take a deep breathe. "I love you Barry, bye." I hang up and put my phone down. I wipe tears off my tear streaked face and close my eyes.

A/n: well... thank you to my ray of sunshine (iwywswiftie) for making me smile while I wrote this very sad chapter.