Legitimately Us ||H.S||

Chapter 28

After not getting much sleep last night, with the bonfire, with nightmares, throwing up and long talks with Paisley, I slept more than half the day away. I could hear Paisley and Astrid talking throughout the day, the door knock a few times, and I'm more than certain Niall and Carter were here at some point. But I wasn't opening my eyes for anyone. I drifted in and out of sleep, dreaming and waking to my brain working in overdrive, thinking way too much about reality.

I apparently decided that I was going to leave California to keep moving forward on my journey. Except I'm not sure how this came to be. I knew I wasn't going to stay here forever and I have stayed longer than I ever anticipated, but I love it here. I found so much of myself that I'd been hiding, I found friends who love me and somehow I seem to fit in well here. Why would I want to leave it all behind?

Did I decide to leave because of Harry? Was it my plan to go and find him? I know this is exactly what I'm unsure of, because I realized he didn't lie to hurt me. He did it to help me the only way he could. My mind is forgiving him for it. My heart, still skeptical.

Leaving tomorrow may have been an unexpected decision, but it doesn't mean I have to go find Harry. It just means I have to leave here, this particular place. I have to remember that Harry was never the intended destination after all of this. The destination has always been me.

As much as I feel like I have found more of myself here than I ever intended to, I know that I have to continue on my journey. It would be nice to stay here, to rent a place off campus and remain friends with these wonderful girls and hang out with Carter longer, bringing the best part of my past and the present together, but the reality in all of that isn't what's meant to be. I'm not sure why I feel that way, I just know I need to leave. There's so much more of the world to see still, and I have barely scratched the surface.

By the time I decide to get up off the floor, it's four in the afternoon. I have trouble comprehending the fact that I literally slept the day away and the fact that anyone would let me, especially Paisley, after knowing I'm apparently leaving tomorrow.

"How are you feeling?" I hear Paisley ask, making me spin around to see her sitting in her bed. "I didn't want to wake you after the night you had last night."

"Feeling okay, I think," I answer, sitting on the end of her bed and stretching.

"Ready to do it all over again?" she asks, a smile on her face.

I shake my head, not knowing if I want to actually go to another party, but slightly laugh at the fact I know I'm going to anyways. "Not really, but I promised one last hurrah, so I guess I better be when the time comes."

"Go shower," she laughs, giving me a slight push. "You reek of puke."

**

I never thought it was possible to be unbelievably happy and so incredibly angry all at the same time, but here I am, breathing in a moment I feel these two emotions in such heightened ways, it makes me dizzy.

With Kate's arms wrapped tightly around me, I can't help but glare at the person she's brought to this beach party with her. 

Maddy. Her hair is now cut short in a bob a little longer in the front, parted to the side. She looks older and much more stunning than she ever did in high school, which feels like much longer ago than it actually was now that I'm looking at her. She looks back at me with big blue eyes full of sorrow, which just makes me want to spit on her.

But to see the smile on Kate's face as she releases me from her embrace, I can't help but smile back at her. It's a surprise to see her here. To see them here. In California, standing here unexpectedly on the same beach as I am.