Legitimately Us ||H.S||

Chapter 41

"You are so infuriating!" he yells back at me.

The second the words left my lips, I wanted to take them back. Just saying them out loud, I felt like I was giving him ideas or granting him my approval of him being with someone else. Not that he needs my approval. He can be with anyone he wants to. I just want that person to be me.

The way he looks at me now as he runs his hands through his hair in frustration, I know I've said the last thing I should have. He is pacing back and forth across the floor and I swear I can see the steam coming from his ears. I don't know why this keeps happening. I don't know why I keep messing up. It's almost like it's ingrained inside of me to do things so I won't  be happy in the end, and I need it to stop.

"I can't believe you think she knows me better than you," he finally says. "Just because she helped me out, doesn't mean shit. Do you know why I was asking you all those questions?"

I don't answer. I simply stare at him as I sit myself down on the edge of the bed. I'm actually afraid to speak right now because he's so mad.

"You got to know that all this time I was missing you," he explains. "I wrote you all those blog posts and I had to sit and re-read all that you had written before because you weren't giving me anything in return. For all I know, you didn't give two shits about me the entire time you were gone, while I was sitting here missing you like a fucking idiot!"

"You know I missed you," I finally speak. "And now that we're together, blog posts shouldn't matter anymore. We should be able to talk to each other and communicate like normal people. Not wait for a blog post to appear to know how the other feels. I know that's how our entire relationship was before for you, but I don't want it to be that way now. I want us to talk. Not write."

"How am I supposed to know the truth, when you have walls up so high it's impossible to get anything out of you?"

My eyes widen. Our voices haven't in the least bit lowered yet and the tension is so thick, I can feel it in the air. I know my walls are not as high as they used to be, but I hate that he can tell they're there still. But I'm trying and I'm wanting to push them all the way down for him, if he would just give me some time for that to happen. This isn't something that will happen overnight. "You asked those questions and I answered them, didn't I?" I retort. "I'm willing to talk to you. I'm not the same girl who left home. I know that talking to each other is how we're going to fix all of this. Not yelling at each other or writing in our blogs. If you would just settle down so we can have a damn conversation, we might be able to do that, instead of yelling at each other and assuming things that aren't true."

I'm surprised when he sits down on the bed next to me and huffs out a long breath. He doesn't look at me, he just stares at the floor in front of him, silence filling the air around us. I'm happy it's obvious the yelling has subsided and I know I have so much that I need to say, not yell.

"Harry, I'm..."

"This isn't going to work, is it?" he quietly asks, interrupting me, slowly turning his head to look at me. "Me and you."

As taken aback by his comment as I am, I decide to ignore it for now and continue with what I was going to say before he interrupted me. "I'm really sorry about everything." I place my hand on his thigh as I move to cross my legs and face him. "I haven't really said I was sorry about anything. I've said so many things that I wish I could take back. Done the dumbest stuff. I know through all of this, I have been difficult and I wish I could help you to understand the last few months and my side of it all, because I am so sorry," I sigh deeply.  He's staring at me so intently now, and I don't want him to say anything just yet. I want him to really listen to every word I have to say. Everything I should have been saying. "I was selfish, but I needed to be. And honestly, for all the times I was trying to forget you so I could just think about myself, you were with me more than I thought you were. You weren't by my side, but you were always right here, in my heart, where I needed you to be."

I watch as he sucks in a sharp breath as his eyes flick back and forth between mine. Both defeat and hope fill his features. He places his hand on top of mine, intertwining our fingers as he does so, and I can feel my entire being lighten, as if this simple gesture says he understands all the words I'm saying so clearly.

"So, unless you're willing to give up," I continue. "Don't think for one second that this won't work. I know I'm infuriating as hell, and I'm sorry I'm still not perfect, but if I remember correctly, you said you wouldn't ever change a thing about me and you accepted me, flaws and all. I know that it's a lot to ask of you, but you know I won't always have my walls up. You got them down once before."

He squeezes my hand and I hold my breath, unable to figure out what he might say next. He lets out another long breath and looks away from me for the first time since I started talking. "You're right, I'm sorry," he finally says. "I know that you needed that time to yourself, and I should just be happy that you're back.

"I do accept you as you are," he continues, looking back at me. "I think I'm just afraid of losing you again, and I don't want to ask you to follow me around the country if I switch schools, because I want you to do what you want to, too."

"Well, then maybe it's something that we can decide together?" I ask, slowly. "But for the record, I'd follow you anywhere." I can't help but smile as I watch him look at me with surprise in his eyes. "Just promise not to worry about blog posts. We should be able to talk to each other better now."

"Ya know, I'm actually quite surprised neither of us walked out that door," he smiles. "I thought for sure you were gonna leave in the middle of that argument and I'd have to run after you."

I laugh at how he's decided to reply, but I'm not surprised in the least. I'm actually happy he's mentioned this and we can both see that if this were just a few months ago, I probably would have walked out the door somewhere in the mix of our fighting. But I've grown. And I don't see myself ever walking away from him again, no matter what lengths an argument with him went to.

"Really, no more blog posts?" he asks and I shake my head. "That kind of makes me sad. I'm going to miss that part of us."

"I'm not really disconnected anymore, and maybe this means you'll be discovered?" I shrug. "I think this is proof we're passed hiding behind screen names and we can be exactly who were are now."

"You're going to give me new reasons to fall in love with you all over again, aren't you?" he smiles, leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. He leans his forehead against mine and looks me in the eyes. "I thought I couldn't love you more than I did before. But you're different now. You smile more and I can see how much more confident you are, just by looking at you.

"And I can tell that every day, you're going to give me a new reason to fall in love with you, because you're full of surprises," he says, leaving a trail of kisses across my cheek. "My sweet girl, promise you'll never leave me again. Promise me we'll get through it all together."

"I can't promise anything, Harry," I say with as much sweetness as I can. "But I can promise to always try."

A/N: Sorry for the shortest update ever. More to come soon, I promise!

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