Eyes of Silver [A gay werewolf love story] (Complete)

Tomorrow at Six

   I finish mopping the floor of the store. I empty the bucket and put the mop and bucket in the supply closet. I walk into my boss's, Mr. Mathews, office and lean against the door frame. "I finished mopping, do you need me to do anything else before I go, John?" I ask.
   He turns around in his chair to look at me. His black hair neatly combed as always and his handsome smile is bright and happy.
"Take out the garbage, and then I'll see you tomorrow." He says with a smile.
"You got it." I say before walking out if the room.
   I pick up the larg black bag full of garbage and walk down the hall and out to the back. I open the big, rusty dumpster and throw the bag inside. As the dumpster door slams down, a gust of stinky air gets blown onto to me. I cough and choke at the nasty, shitty smell.
   I swat the smell away with my hand and turn and walk back through the store. "Well see ya tomorrow, John." I say to Mr. Mathews as I walk towards the exit. He waves goodbye and I return a wave before walking out the front door.
   I walk towards the bus stop and I just wait, but I'm not just waiting for the bus. As I saw the bus coming, I was so tempted to just jump right in front of it.
   Do it.
   The bus comes closer.
   Don't be such a coward this time.
   The bus comes closer and I'm ready to jump, I'm ready to just end it all. I lift my foot to jump in the street, but soon stop myself and th bus pulls up in front of me and the doors open, greeting me inside. I walk onto the bus and pay for my ride and sit down.
   The bus isn't the best way to kill yourself. Tomorrow I'll go into the woods, and jump in front of a train. Every Wednesday at six, a train comes through town. Good thing today is Tuesday.

   About ten minutes of riding the bus, I was at the shitty apartment complex that I call home. I get off the bus and walk through the front doors and head to the elevator. I press my floor number botton, five, and I go up.
I start to wonder why i didn't just jump in front bus when I had the chance?
   Was I afraid?
   I reach my floor and the doors open and I get out. I grab my keys out of my pocket and I stick my house key through the lock and unlock it. I walk inside and lie on the couch puting my hands over my face, wondering what I have to do now? Well, for starters I need to take a shower.
   I get up from the couch and walk into the bathroom. I walk over to the mirror and just stare at myself. I strip from my clothes except for my boxers. I look down at my arms and wrists and see what I do to myself. I stare at the scabs and scars and it just makes me want to do more.
   I stare at my body. Skinny, weak. My muscles are small and my torso has less of a six pack and more of just the stomach of someone who punishes themselves by not eating. I don't deserve food, I don't deserve to survive, I don't deserve to live. Thats why I plan to jump in front of a train tomorrow, and this time I won't be a coward.
   I turn to the shower behind me, turn the nozzle, and wait until it gets warm. I take my boxers off and step into the shower. The warm water is comforting as it hits my face and soaks my greasy dirty-blond hair.
   You could just end it right here.
   No. I already planned to do it tomorrow at six when the train comes by.
   I turn off the shower and climb out. I grab a towel and dry my hair and body off, then wrap it around my waist and walk out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I grab a plain T-shirt, grey sweat pants, and some boxers and put them on.
   I fall onto my bed and just stare up at the ceiling. I'm glad this day is over. Pretty soon all of my days will be over, just one more day left. Should I say goodbye to John? He the only thing I have close enough to a friend, even though he's my boss. I'll think about it. I slip under my bed covers and close my eyes.
   I feel a tear escape from my eye. I open my eyes and look around, not even knowing what I'm looking for. I realize there is nothing and no one here but me. I feel another tear roll from my eye and fall to my pillow.
   I'm alone. Always have been.
   The little tears turn to sobs as I plant my face in my pillow to soak the tears that easily escape my eyes. This isn't the first time I've sobbed into my pillow. I sob and cry because I'm alone and always will be.
   You're gay and pathetic, no one will love you. You're going to rot alone. Your twenty-four years old and you still can't do anything right.
   I cotinue to sob into my pillow until I start to calm down. I mean, that is the process of crying, isn't it?
   The sobs and tears turn to a few last drops and sniffles. I hug my wet, tear stained pillow and feel myself falling asleep.
   All of it will be over soon. No more pain, no more suffering. You can finally rest in peace. Just sleep, it'll all be over tomorrow at six. Just sleep.